Britt ( F C D )
at 2008-04-13
I think this is a strong paragraph, but a little confusing to read. I think that if you wanted to make it more of a prose then you should break it up a little with your sentences. If you want it to be more of a poem, you should break it into stanzas.
With that said if you break it into stanzas, I feel you should keep going, as it seems like you were holding back from what you really wanted to say.
[ Praised by : Andrew ]
Melrose
at 2008-04-13
I really liked this poem!!! but like Britt said...hard to follow...break it up some more!!!! But I really like this one
BeMusEd
at 2008-04-13
As some others say it was indeed a great poem I can relate the feelings of the writer itself.. But much better if you break it into stanzas because it easier for the reader to follow.. But in all it was a great poem, full of emotions.. Great job..
robin milford ( F P C D )
at 2008-04-14
Great job I liked this one
Caitlyn
at 2008-05-11
I like it a lot :)
Bella ( F P C D )
at 2008-05-29
Good poem with strong feelings. Liked it alot though I think you should break into stanzas.
The end was really nice.
Lights Out ( F C D )
at 2008-06-30
So beautiful. It's something sad, obviously, but the way you write with these simpel words made it all lovely. All the stanzas really caught me ! You're such a good writer, keep it up!
EternalGuilt ( F P C D )
at 2008-07-25
***All this time you made my eyes teary,
day and night you made my body weary, **
gives us a notice of time, - how long- .
And how you chose to describe it, seems like its been too long.
**You took out my heart and slammed it on the earth, with my heart aching to pieces you left it torn. ***
starting at this point , i really got into the poem. there is so much emotion going on here. sounds like anger with -slammed-. the images you gave out, are just playing along.
**You shattered all my dreams and on my face you left a grim**
Still, more violence, but then as if the other took pleasure in watching the other suffer alone.
**forever in my life your memories will be nothing but the past. ** and this part was just amazing, i loved it.
overall very good poem n_n
everything just flows along.
[ Praised by : Andrew ]
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