Michael D Nalley ( F P C D )
at 2008-04-14
This is an absolutely beautiful poem the imagery took me there. The wording made me feel the passion. Poets made my spirit soar
"My prayers have been answered,
There is nothing more to want.
Your love will continue
To forever carry me on"
Outstanding
5/5>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
[ Praised by : Sher ]
NyellMoonlight ( F P C D )
at 2008-04-14
Oh, wow...
This is truly breathtaking, I really can't express how much I enjoyed in every line. This is one of the most beautiful love poem I've read in a while, filled with endless beauty some outstanding greatness.
I like the imagery that you two portrayed: Everything seem simply said yet perfectly picked words in every stanza form amazing, vivid images that flooded my mind.
The whole atmosphere of this poem is captivating and each stanza touched me and almost brought tears to my eyes.
Excellently written from the beginning to the end.
[ Praised by : Sher ]
Italian Stallion ( F P C D )
at 2008-04-14
Excellent write, I loved it. I thank you, for doing a collab with me, It really was a lot of fun. I look foward to working with you again in the future.
Peace, Joe
Krathia ( F P C D )
at 2008-04-14
Simple, but sweet. I usually never look at love poems, so I really don't have much to say, I'm afraid.
Stanza 1:
"A vivid blue sky,
Wind calm as can be."
A common sort of beginning, but it evokes the desired effect, and that IS the point to beginnings, so not much to say there.
"The suns beating down
Against you and me."
A feeling of togetherness binds the reader, most likely because the last line is very personal.
Stanza 2:
"While the waves are breaking
Creating a beautiful song."
I liked this, partially because of the misdirection. I expected the last line to rhyme, but 'song' brought a fresh change to the flow of the poem. It's like a color than jumps out, saying, "Look at me!"
Stanza 3: Again, sweet and personal. It made me smile.
Stanza 4:
"Time briefly frozen,
As our memories are etched."
It's funny how my mind picks up these lines and continue in the same train of thought, only to meet with --
"Embedded forever,"
Anyone can relate to this, which is why I think anyone can enjoy this poem. The simple pleasure of just being with someone and laughing and living is often overlooked, and I'm glad you captured the moment in a poem.
Last Stanza: I really like the last line, "To forever carry me on." It didn't close the poem, as endings often do, but opened it to leave a lingering sweet feeling. Great job.
[ Praised by : Sher ]
SheDevil ( F C D )
at 2008-04-14
Bravo. I love the unquie rhyming sceme. Made me think of love life to come.
Time briefly frozen,
As our memories are etched.
Embedded forever,
And carved in our beating chest.
I love how you are trying to capture the image of two people trying to...learn every aspect of each other. And while doing so...time seems to stop.
*5*
>SheDevil<
Dravens Regards ( F P C D )
at 2008-04-15
That was beautiful. Normally i'm one for choas and disorder but that was just too peaceful for even me to deny. Great Job
Live WeLL ( F P C D )
at 2008-04-15
Aww what a beautiful poem by you and Joe! The whole thing was just really sweet and gave off a really comforting feeling.
The flow was flawless and the rhyme was great.
I love your word choice and how you created such great imagery.. it was as if I was right there experiencing it because you described the scene with such detail!
I love how you had some variety in your rhymes - that made the rhyming not seem forced at all. You told a great story while making it sound real and genuine! You took words that don't necessarily rhyme but they have the same sounds so it doesn't make a difference. More people need to learn to do that so they don't end up forcing their rhymes all the time. Nice job!
The ending was beautiful - just a perfect happy ending to a lovely poem.
Amazing job to both you and Joe. 5/5 =) Keep it up and thanks for the comment =)
[ Praised by : Sher ]
Rachel ( F P C D )
at 2008-04-15
In the second and last stanza you guys did not stick to the rhyme scheme. The flow was off and the poem contains forced rhyming. You are trying to convey a tranquil, loving scene but I think you guys could have done a much better job.
C P Sharma ( C )
at 2008-04-20
It seems to be spontaneou overflow of feelings within with a perfect tuning with beats of your heart and perfect choice of words and imagery. I would add:
I don’t want any more of charm,
Than your love for ever swarm,
I always be in your arm,
None can ever do me harm,
Time’s clock we can disarm..
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