Comments - Inside

your love was a lie ( F P C ) at 2008-07-09

I like it alot my fav part was :

No more wishing for the past
It wasn't meant to be
It didn't seem to last,
So I have to set him free.

it reminds me of my ex ;(

Cobraa ( P C ) at 2008-07-09

The last line is so true, reminds me of my ex as well

xKornxGirlx ( F P C D ) at 2008-07-09

Besides a few small grammatical errors it was really good.

Mr Fr3sh ( F P C D ) at 2008-07-09

Nice poem!!

timothy at 2008-07-10

Very nice. keep writing

Lil Ally Kat ( F P C D ) at 2008-07-10

Man, I really like it too!! It show a lot for those you have lost someone great in their lives and lost them in a bad way... I can relate in a lot of ways!!

Loni ( F C D ) at 2008-07-12

Aww this piece is really cute! The thing I really love about this piece is the emotion in it just pours out and I love that! Some ppl really have a hard time using their poetry to exress themselves but you are def not one of them! Great job! 5/5
Loni

Like Me Or Hate Me ( P ) at 2008-07-13

I like memorize this poem i read it all the time

love it

comment back

Amber at 2008-07-13

THough I don't like reading sad poems or even poems of a "lost love", but I saw many comments of this poem of yours and wanted to read it for myself. I liked it.

lostsoul ( F P C D ) at 2008-07-13

Wow soooo beautiful i truly love it!

HvN ( F P C D ) at 2008-07-14

Love this poem, i went through exactly this a couple days ago but with a girl. :]

thanks fors postin it :]

Fawaz Martini at 2008-07-14

It's really nice
thanks Rachelle

Danny ( F P C D ) at 2008-07-14

There are various grammatical errors that I think you might have overlooked. I'm bored and I liked this poem a lot so I'll check it out :) I'll also add any suggestions. They are just suggestions though... I still love it either way.

Inside
by Rachelle

Bottled up inside
are the words I never said
The feelings that I hide
The lines u never read.

You can see it in my eyes
(You can) read it on my face
Trapped inside are lies
Of the past I can't replace.

These memories that linger
Won't seem to go away
Why can't I (just) be happier? [flows better I think]
Today(')s a brand-new day.

Yesterdays are over
Even though the hurting('s) not
Nothing last(s) forever
I must Cherise(cherish) what I've got.

Don't take my love for granted
For soon it will be gone
all (you) every (ever) wanted
(Was) the love u thought you'd won.

The hurt I'm feeling
Won't disappear over night
But someway, somehow,
Everything will (be) all right. [also flows a bit better]

No more wishing for the past
It wasn't meant to be
It didn't seem to last,
So I have to set him free.


^^I personally LOVE the last stanza :)
"So, I have to set him free"
Is my favorite line! The last stanza definitely builds the tension towards this quote. It's brilliant :-P Great write! 5/5

[ Praised by Rachelle | Approved by PnQ Mod Account ]

ELLO MUPET 52194 ( F C ) at 2008-07-16

Wow that was a great poem. i think you should put a little more description. otherwize i liked it 5/5

Mr Fr3sh ( F P C D ) at 2008-07-17

GREAT POEM
5/5

twistedsoul ( F P C D ) at 2008-07-21

K im commenting again cuz wow you are so amazing i love this poem it shows your pain and struggles! so beautiful remember im always here for you!!!!!!!!! keep writing for your talent is too amazing to loose!

Joseph Hanna ( F P ) at 2008-07-21

Deep great job..

Joseph Hanna ( F P ) at 2008-07-21

Deep great job..

Poetry Knight ( F C ) at 2008-08-23

Good poem, keep up the good work, got to go to work now, take luck.

Ashurii Rayne ( F P C ) at 2009-03-21

A thoughtful and beautiful write. excellent flow and form. the first four lines were perfect, a great opener. keep writing you have great talent. 5/5.

-Ashlei.


1 2 > >>