Ash ( F P C D )
at 2008-07-10
A very sad and painfully expressed write. Every line and every word expresses so much of detail into the love that was once shared. Excellent work! 5/5 from me.
Tricky Daze ( F P C D )
at 2008-07-26
The first thing that captured my eyes was the goodness of your punctuation.And that was really heartfelt
My favorite ones are;
Such a big world and no one with me
I'm crossing the limit of my sanity
World seems so cold tonight - just like your hand
Why did you slip away make me understand
Keep it up,
Laura
MauLiCiouSss ( F P C D )
at 2008-07-26
Very well constructed...You have a very imaginative mind and you have no difficulties of writing it down...I liked the ending it was very powerful although filled with extreme deep sadness..
Noor ( F P C D )
at 2008-08-08
I hate the name "Jane". Sorry to burst it out. I can see a Tarzan movie on my head...monkeys running here and there. Lol to me.. :P
I know you chose Jane because it is easy to rhyme with something.
I like these lines
"Hopes are pale, lying like dead on the floor
Isn't it enough baby? Want to hurt more?"
I felt some pleasure inside my heart reading them...This is sad love story. You worked well with the flow. Brilliant.
I think you succeed with this poem... Everything...seems united. Story works, structure is nice. I just dislike the title for personal reasons... It is a vivid story...paints a lot of images.
Well done.
Denica
at 2008-08-08
Amazing.. <3
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