tiffany
at 2008-07-26
I love this poem.
Amber ( F P C D )
at 2008-07-26
Ok that's good.
But In my opinion I think It'd be a bit better if like it was maybe a little longer and more emotions poured out of it. Maybe a bit of imagery too would make it also better.
xIxFxckingxLovexHimx ( F P C )
at 2008-07-26
I really liked this one...
And that's true what you said...
mad4u
at 2008-07-26
Really Great Poem
Breaking Dawn ( F P C D )
at 2008-07-26
This is pretty good, really cliche but I have some suggesstions:
"If he really loved me he'd tell me he's sorry.
If he really loved me he'd come back to me.
If he really loved me he'd tell me he loves me."
^Okay, first off the repetition....Poems that keep repeating like yours does "If he really loved me he'd....." doesn't keep the reader interested and doesn't capture their attention.
Maybe try something like this to not repeat so much:
"Still wishing that he'd profess his love for me,"
Or just write different and unique lines that aren't the same cliche things in love poems.
You can still repeat that one line, "if he really loved me...." but not so much that it gets boring. Experiment with words, try different things, put more emotions into it and it will be a lot better. Keep writing!
If he really loved me he'd show his love.
If he really loved me he wouldn't lie to me.
If he really loved me he wouldn't hurt me.
but these ifs will never come true because he's not sorry and he doesn't love me. If only he know how much I loved him. But now he'll never know.
Francessca ( F P C D )
at 2008-07-26
I really love this poem. awesome job =)
kerrigan
at 2008-07-27
It is actually not that bad 3/5 keep it up
Cristian Teo Regalado ( F P C D )
at 2008-07-28
Its sad when people have someone so good in front of them and they dont realize it and never will sorry this happened to u it happened to me to many times lol...5/5
halie and ryan ( F P C D )
at 2008-07-29
Awwww,
its sad :(
but rlly good
i felt the same way about my ex,
tht is now my boyfriend again
but things will work out in the end,
trust meh :)
5/5
great job
-halie
Ilovehim
at 2008-07-31
I liked it. it was real and i understand im
in the same thing right now wit a guy that hasn't showed me he loves me in a long time
Becca ( F P C D )
at 2008-08-04
This was really good in that I can completely relate. I'm in that situation right now. I voted 4/5 because I think it could have flowed better. Great job though.
alejandra ( C )
at 2008-08-04
Thats a good poem maybe if u add more rhyming no matter the repition it would be better its a good poem but try rhyming ok keep up the good work though
loser within ( P )
at 2008-08-04
Oh snap.
my bf just broke up with me and i can relate to this so much.
it is TOTALLY true. exactly how i feel.
nice job. 5/5
Cayce ( F P C D )
at 2008-08-05
To be honest..
I didn't really like this. It didn't have any emotion at all in it, and the repetition almost drove me insane. ><
It just seemed like you stated you feelings.. no poetic tone or anything. I've heard this all before and it just really doesn't interest me.
Try metaphors, similes, imagery just anything to make the poem unique and special. Open you heart and let the words flow from your soul. Write from you heart and you'll feel the emotion when you read the poem. I know you can do it if you really try.
Sorry if this was harsh; I'm really not a mean person. ><
Keep writing; never give up!
.||CAYYCE||.
[ Praised by : ]
colm ( F P C D )
at 2008-08-05
I have to say I didnt much like it either. it seemed a bit unoriginal and general to me, and didnt intrest me much im afraid. maybe its just because im tired at the moment but it didnt appeal to me personally.
Rachel ( F P C D )
at 2008-08-05
Too much repetition. If, he me......It lacks flow and is not creative. The imagery is non-existent. Not front page material and definetly not what I would expect to win the weekly contest.
Spoken Silence ( F P C D )
at 2008-08-05
I agree, this poem seemed to lack emotion. More of a thought that you put together, If you added more emotion in to this, and added rhymes or anything else to seperate the repetition this would have been good. This wasn't a weekly competition material either, I know you could do better, keep writing and put more of a flow in to your work.
marleine
at 2008-08-06
Hi Megan, your poem is so nice, i feel it comes out from so deep inside you! it seems like a true experience! so nice
Noor moves out ( F P C D )
at 2008-08-06
I don't know how I would define what is a "poem" but honestly for me...This is not really a poem. It seems like someone is repeating sentences to herself.
This poem is little bit lack of imagination.
I don't mean to insult you but this is my honest opinion.
A POETRY COMMUNITY
POEMS