NyellMoonlight ( F P C D )
at 2008-12-13
I missed reading your poetry, but I haven't had much time lately. This is another amazing piece written by you.
First off, your metaphors here are simply impressive. I love the concept of this write from the beginning to the end, along with interesting atmosphere that you created. Expressed emotions are intense, yet not so directly exposed which suits my taste for poetry. You are always able to leave me staring at the computer screen in awe, and this was the case with this poem, too.
- If I reach out, I could peel off your fingers
wrapped around my glass heart. Try to brush
away your embossed fingerprints.-
^^^
Interesting and powerful opening. I admire uniqueness of these lines, they caught my attention and made me want to see how the poem will develop.
- Your incandescent irises remove the barricades inside
until like a derelict pond, the surface no longer reflects.-
^^^
Breathtaking... so vivid. I love those lines, and i can deeply relate to them. Emotions expressed here simply crawl beneath the reader's skin.
- Never was one to narrate my own story.
Always so pleased to listen to yours because only
your voice can fill the crater you made.-
^^^
This is seemingly simpler than the rest of the poem, yet it's so deep and heartfelt, somewhat magnetic. Elegantly said, with a whole spectrum of feelings excellently expressed. This is my favorite part of the poem.
- And every time your song starts, I try singing along with you
but I never know the words.-
^^^
Equally sad and beautiful, touching in so many ways. I believe there are so many people that can relate to this. Wonderful, great metaphor.
- Yet, I leave the meadow every time you call
because you need me under your starlight eyes.
Only to feed me your thorn pricks memories.-
^^^
Creative closure, it sums up the poem, especially within the last line.
Overall, I deeply enjoyed in every line and I wish this was longer.
Keep writing, you have great talent and amazing writing skills.
[ Praised by : Lenore Amaya ]
Emir de Vladamir ( F P C D )
at 2008-12-14
Short poem, a great piece....
i enjoy it. Thank you for writing Cassidy.....
long time didn't read ur poem.....
keep writing... =)
Raychil ( F P C D )
at 2008-12-14
I really loved this piece. The way you used metaphors and expressed such vivid images was absolutely beautiful.
"If I reach out, I could peel off your fingers
wrapped around my glass heart. Try to brush
away your embossed fingerprints."
^^My favorite line. You speak of reaching out to save your heart. And I love how glass makes everything seem fragile. It sets the mood of the poem as a whole.
"Yet, I leave the meadow every time you call"
^^I also loved this line. It gives a sense of weakness, inability to say no, even with so much pain. I can relate to this completely.
This poem was such a marvelous piece. Truly wonderful.
<3Raych
Beautiful Chaos ( F P C D )
at 2008-12-15
If I reach out, I could peel off your fingers
wrapped around my glass heart.
^A nice start, it automatically brings a picture to mind. I also like the title, I came expecting something else, you surprised me.
like a derelict pond, the surface no longer reflects
^I don't know why, but this part just draws me back, I think it is my favorite line in the poem.
Only to feed me your thorn pricks memories.
^"Pricks" seems wrong to me, like it should be pricked.
This was a wonderful write, I really enjoy it, you had some great imagery and good word choice. Keep up the good work I will definetely check out some more of your poems.
[ Praised by : Lenore Amaya ]
Aureus Argentum ( F C D )
at 2009-01-30
I wish I could write like this. It's so beautiful.
Inside the Liar ( F P C D )
at 2009-05-07
Imagery was spot on the whole way through. I was impressed with your writing. I hadn't read anything from you before, and I'm glad that I did. I really only had one critique:
'Never was one to narrate my own story.
Always so pleased to listen to yours because only
your voice can fill the crater you made."
I thought that 'can' would sound better as 'could.' Just a thought. I look forward to reading more from you. 5/5
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