Comments - Lovers And Liars

Azzza ( F P C D ) at 2009-01-27

Well I like how you penned down this poem. Having to go through failed relationships with a strings of Mr Wrong. Well this is certainly a life lesson we need to learn. It is not always wat it seems.

Always been quick to fall in the past, giving into dangerous desire
Then realizing I'd only found Mr cheater, Mr Wrong and Mr liar
Only this time it feels so different, thinking I've found Mr right
A once broken and shattered heart you've caused to ignite
^^^I like this stanza you have clearly display that moving on too fast can make you blind to see the trap in front

Overall this poem was a delightful to read. I also like the idea of you reusing the opening stanza for the last stanza,it kindda work for me.I'm sure lots of people can relate to this poem esp the girls.

Excellent Job
5/5

Cyber Saiyan ( F C D ) at 2009-01-29

Another great poem.

The opening line really caught my attention and made me want to read the rest of the piece.

I thought this one read somewhat broken though, like someone from a different country sometimes forgets to add words to their lines.

Examples:

"But babe seems you got me believing once again in a fairytale"
But babe; IT SEEMS THAT you got me believing one again in FAIRYTALES

"Took so long to find that I thought he didn't exist, wasn't convinced"
IT took so long to find HIM that I though he didnt exist; BUT I WASNT convinced"

etc.

I really liked the "Then realizing I'd only found Mr cheater, Mr Wrong and Mr liar
" line. Using Mr. in front of each word really emphasized the line. I also liked how you were THINKING that you found Mr. Right. Many writers would have just used FOUND, but I like that you left it open-ended.

For some reason, this poem reminded me of the movie Fantasia. The one where Mickey Mouse was acting in the scenes set to the background music. When I read it aloud, it reminded me of a well conducted symphony. It started out good, then got stronger and louder. Around the third stanza, it got softer and more "questionable" as you tried to resist how you felt. With all the loving words like "Caring, gentle, kind, affectionate...finally found my lover" I could sense the mushy love feelings come through. Again it falls back to the normal mood like the beginning toward the end.

I like the repeating line of the last stanza as well. Again, I like the last word of the poem; it really leaves a "warm and fuzzy" feeling inside.

Even though the reading was a little odd at times, this was one poem that I REALLY liked.

Great job.

[ Praised by Jenni Marie | Approved by Sherry Lynn ]

RainHidesTearsNotRedFaces ( F P C D ) at 2009-01-29

They say you have to kiss a few frogs before you find your prince
Took so long to find that I thought he didn't exist, wasn't convinced
But babe seems you got me believing once again in a fairytale
Love shown each and everyday is proving maybe this time it will prevail

<3 I LOVE this first stanza... it's amazing it really is. I like the whole fairy tale idea, and I can totally relate to how someone can make you believe that happiness is real.

Always been quick to fall in the past, giving into dangerous desire
Then realizing I'd only found Mr cheater, Mr Wrong and Mr liar
Only this time it feels so different, thinking I've found Mr right
A once broken and shattered heart you've caused to ignite

It's great! the flow is really nice, and the rhymes. I like the rhymes "right" and "ignite" Sounds to me like you're falling in love...

Tried so hard to fight how I felt, all of those growing feelings
Only now I'm feeling sure, this is one love that's so appealing
Caring, gentle, kind, affectionate...finally found my lover
Never would have guessed I had so much to learn and discover

Hmm... I'm not sure I understand the first line, but the rest is excellent. I like the last line, not sure why though..

Always fell for the bad guy, proceeded without hesitation
Each and every time, heartbreak was my only destination
This time feeling so safe and loved, yearning for your touch
Never would have guessed it possible for me to love so much

I LOVE this one just as much as the first. Mainly the last line though. I can really feel the emotion in it.

Only been a short time, but I'd be bereft without you in my life
Would be trying to live, but already know I would only survive
Days would be long, nights so empty, leaving me cold and frozen
I'd finally truly understand the meaning of being heart broken

They rhyme scheme is good but not great, the flow is though. "Would be trying to live, but already know I would only survive" To me it's like you're saying you have taken care of your needs, but you still have your wants. Not sure if that's what you were getting at but yeah.

They say you have to kiss a few frogs before you find your prince
Took so long to find that I thought he didn't exist, wasn't convinced
But babe seems you got me believing me once again in a fairytale
Love shown each and everyday is proving maybe this time it will prevail

GREAT ENDING!!! Mainly because it was over JOKING JOKING lol! I love how you repeated it, in my poems I've only repeated a line but I like the stanza better! My favoite stanza twice! Excellent<3

TB

[ Praised by Jenni Marie | Approved by PnQ Mod Account ]

Aracelyy ( F ) at 2009-02-02

I hELLA LiKE DiSZ!!!! :D

Sapphire ( C ) at 2009-02-02

First off sorry it took me so long to comment, my internet has been down.

"They say you have to kiss a few frogs before you find your prince
Took so long to find that I thought he didn't exist, wasn't convinced
But babe seems you got me believing once again in a fairytale
Love shown each and everyday is proving maybe this time it will prevail"

-The structure here is brilliant, and the rhyming isn't forced and it flows naturally. I like how you started this poem off with a cliche and made it your own. It caught my attention right away.

"Always been quick to fall in the past, giving into dangerous desire
Then realizing I'd only found Mr cheater, Mr Wrong and Mr liar
Only this time it feels so different, thinking I've found Mr right
A once broken and shattered heart you've caused to ignite"

-This stanza is very amazing to me. How you describe the men in your life is funny, but it rings true. You didn't use fancy words, but you got the point across with just as much power.


"Tried so hard to fight how I felt, all of those growing feelings
Only now I'm feeling sure, this is one love that's so appealing
Caring, gentle, kind, affectionate...finally found my lover
Never would have guessed I had so much to learn and discover"

-I like how you're silently eveolving throughout this poem, and this is just another stage of self-discovery.

"Always fell for the bad guy, proceeded without hesitation
Each and every time, heartbreak was my only destination
This time feeling so safe and loved, yearning for your touch
Never would have guessed it possible for me to love so much"

-I like how you did this stanza. You gave the reader background information, and it provides the poem with more power to what you are saying.

"Only been a short time, but I'd be bereft without you in my life
Would be trying to live, but already know I would only survive
Days would be long, nights so empty, leaving me cold and frozen
I'd finally truly understand the meaning of being heart broken"

-Very good structure here The poem throughout has been flwoing, and here it is still flowing, and the last line makes the reader emathize with you.

"They say you have to kiss a few frogs before you find your prince
Took so long to find that I thought he didn't exist, wasn't convinced
But babe seems you got me believing me once again in a fairytale
Love shown each and everyday is proving maybe this time it will prevail"

-A lot of poems that use the same stanza from the beginning to end the poem don't usually work, but in this case, it proves your point, and I think it was a great way to end your poem.

Awesome poem. I don't really have any critiques, word choice was well thought through. It was to the point, and said what you really felt. I'm sure a lot of girls can realte to this, including me. Great job!
5/5

[ Praised by Jenni Marie | Approved by Sherry Lynn ]

Dream Angel ( F P C D ) at 2009-02-02

The repetition of the fist stanza really made this a powerful poem.
It hold a valuable message too.
A very enjoyable read:)

Take care,

5/5 Ingrid

Kayl ( P C ) at 2009-02-03

Really love this poem! 5/5

JENNI ( F C D ) at 2009-02-05

They say you have to kiss a few frogs before you find your prince
Took so long to find that I thought he didn't exist, wasn't convinced
But babe seems you got me believing once again in a fairytale
Love shown each and everyday is proving maybe this time it will prevail


*Wow, that is so beautiful. Which is probably why you wrote it twice! The fact that every woman wants her fairytale, only to have her heart so shattered that she no longer believes a prince exists. But the true love you find makes your heart believe again!

Always fell for the bad guy, proceeded without hesitation
Each and every time, heartbreak was my only destination

This as well really stuck out to me. The fact that for some reason, at least once, we ALL fall for the bad guy. Know it will only lead to heartache, yet we do it anyway! And the fact that you compared heartbreak as a destination hit home as well. Once your heart is broken it's so hard to get out of the current hole you have fallin into, as you said, destination.

I really enjoyed reading this. Love the fact that you said once believed, then lost, then found again belief in fairytales. And then explained it! Beautiful! 5/5

Inside the Liar ( F P C D ) at 2009-02-06

Hello. :)

Title: Lovers and Liars
Very catchy. I liked the title.

Stanza One:
They say you have to kiss a few frogs before you find your prince
Took so long to find that I thought he didn't exist, wasn't convinced
But babe seems you got me believing once again in a fairytale
Love shown each and everyday is proving maybe this time it will prevail
^^
I loved this stanza. I thought it was a wonderful one to start off with. I liked the way you used comma separation to have two complete thoughts in the second line. I thought that the third line would have sounded better if you had had written: "but babe it seems" instead of just "but babe seems." Not much to say about the fourth line. Like I said, good verse to start with.

Stanza Two:
Always been quick to fall in the past, giving into dangerous desire
Then realizing I'd only found Mr cheater, Mr Wrong and Mr liar
Only this time it feels so different, thinking I've found Mr right
A once broken and shattered heart you've caused to ignite
^^
I liked the first line, but thought it would've sounded better if "I've" was the first word. LOVED the second line. I could relate to those two lines. In my opinion, line three would've sounded better if you had writtin in an "I'm" before 'thinking.' The fourth line was a nice way to sum it up.

Stanza Three:
Tried so hard to fight how I felt, all of those growing feelings
Only now I'm feeling sure, this is one love that's so appealing
Caring, gentle, kind, affectionate...finally found my lover
Never would have guessed I had so much to learn and discover
^^
This stanza was very sweet. I don't think the comma in the first line is necessary, however. Second line was cute. I liked how you stuck with simple words to describe him in the third line. i thought that worked well. Fourth line sums up the stanza nicely.

Stanza Four:
Always fell for the bad guy, proceeded without hesitation
Each and every time heartbreak was my only destination
This time feeling so safe and loved, yearning for your touch
Never would have guessed it possible for me to love so much
^^
First and second lines, in my opinion, were flawless. The third and fourth lines sounded a bit cliched, but I think it worked here.

Stanza Five:
Only been a short time, but I'd be bereft without you in my life
Would be trying to live, but already know I would only survive
Days would be long, nights so empty, leaving me cold and frozen
I'd finally truly understand the meaning of being heart broken
^^
The first line would have sounded better if "It's" was the first word. I like the picture the second line painted. Third and fourth lines were wonderful.

Stanza Six:
They say you have to kiss a few frogs before you find your prince
Took so long to find that I thought he didn't exist, wasn't convinced
But babe seems you got me believing me once again in a fairytale
Love shown each and everyday is proving maybe this time it will prevail
^^
My comments on this stanza are listed above, but I must say, I really liked the repitition here.

All in all, this was a wonderful poem. I really enjoyed reading it and commenting on it. The only things I found 'wrong' with it were minor. You have talent. 5/5

[ Praised by Jenni Marie | Approved by Italian Stallion ]

Krista ( F P C D ) at 2009-02-10

I loved your word usage in this poem! I liked the flow. Im kinda a punctuation nerd so not having commas or periods kinda bothered me. Other than that small detail...I liked the rhyming and how you repeated the first verse as the last. Keep it up!!

Hollymariee ( F C D ) at 2009-02-12

.. I've never seen a poem with long verses so flawless . Your flow is absolutely perfect .. And the idea is so amazing I really have nothing to say . I love it . I also love the repetition at the end .. It makes it even more beautiful . Seriously well done , 5/5

Hollymariee ( F C D ) at 2009-02-12

.. I've never seen a poem with long verses so flawless . Your flow is absolutely perfect .. And the idea is so amazing I really have nothing to say . I love it . I also love the repetition at the end .. It makes it even more beautiful . Seriously well done , 5/5

xXBleedingxRoseXx ( F P C D ) at 2009-02-14

Damn this was sorta long but it trulie was worth reading it. like ppl say n i have been told what doesnt kill us can only makes us stronger. many heartbreaks each ones is different. but i love it that true love can be. amazing job.
truly 5/5

TaKe CaRe,
Frenchy

Twisted Damsel ( F P C D ) at 2013-03-10

I loved every bit of this poem, it was very well written and a very enjoyable read :) nice job, I look forward to reading more 5/5