Loverboy ( F P C D )
at 2009-01-28
Like a hopeless teardrop
Devastating tainted crystal eyes
Ignoring each lie and false promise
Trickle down soft cheeks staining lips
I fell for you.
'
^^^^^ this stanzsa cathsed my eyes, a bit , your poem is very unique in it way to use the topic and the words were very well expressed
as usal you took your self to the limit to use the full meaning of the words to express your idea.
the stanza that i choosen jsut made me wonder , you talk about love , and felling for him , how you desert the uncertainty ...
but yet you said ignoring his lies .. and his false promisses these images are relaly disturbing for a love image , you knwo his lies and false promisses and you expect him to catch you?
thsi stanza really cnfuse me in term of flow , how can his lies and flase promisses , make remove uncertainity ?
at last you used an exceptional way to end , it i lov the ending ,
if i may say : life make us fall many time , bliss, first time and other we were blind to see, you said you thank every jerk to open your eyes and make you stronger , i really hope , you still see lies, and false priomisses , and remember the tears and the hurt and know how to get away ..
CJ
T e m p s ( F P C D )
at 2009-01-28
Let me start off by saying, your title is a very popular and common phrase heard many many times. I was very drawn in to this piece and couldnt wait to read it because of the title.. I'm interested to see how you can make this commonly used phrase into a masterpiece of poetry.
"Like brittle autumn leaves
Tinted with shades of ginger
Letting go of their sheltered branch
Joyfully swaying to the vibrant earth
I fell for you."
`I'm never good with smilies, nor metaphors, but you are great at them. Loved the word choice, not that this is a nature poem but your references to things in nature fit this poem beautifully. I loved how these things tied in with the whole meaning of love and whatnot.
"Like abstract snowflakes
Scripted with an eternal fairytale
Travel purely with the arctic breeze
Kissing a carpet of white as it nestles
I fell for you."
`Wow, your words just flow so smooth. I love this whole incorporting nature into this piece.. yet thats not entirely what the poem is about. Very vivid images to portray such meaning through your words. I loveeee your style, and repeitition.
"Like a hopeless teardrop
Devastating tainted crystal eyes
Ignoring each lie and false promise
Trickle down soft cheeks staining lips
I fell for you."
`Flawless word choice, I must say however, I loved the "staining lips".. its very unique because you always hear the whole "staining my cheeks" line.. but girl you flipped it around this time..youve got talent, and youre wonderful. :]
"Deserting all uncertainty
With a blissful smile glowing
And a dream blossoming in my eyes
Lastly unbolting the rusted lock on my heart"
`The last line of this stanza made this poem amazing. I adored it! Ahhh! You fell for him, and now youre unlocking the rusted lock to your heart, in which now you hope he catches you.
Last two lines... woow. This guy better catch this amazing girl [you]. :]
5/5.
[ Praised by : Blissful ]
Nema ( F P C D )
at 2009-01-28
Wow Bliss..
You won't believe if I told I barely read love poems here..only if they were written by Soso or Ingrid.
that was really good..I mean really really good..I haven't read a love poem in a long while.
Soo...Let's see.. ::
With a blissful smile glowing
Haha..I see A[blissful]DREAMER's effect on you ;P..I love the line btw
And a dream blossoming in my eyes
Seriously..what a wonderful metaphor..I just love it, made me feel really good.
Like a hopeless teardrop
Devastating tainted crystal eyes
Ignoring each lie and false promise
Trickle down soft cheeks staining lips
This part was really good too..I loved the first two lines the most..such a great imagery.
I fell for you,
Will you catch me?
I'm in love with your closures..you end your poems just the way I want them =] how amazing of you to get to my thoughts.
I loved how you related everything to this love..autumn leaves, snowflakes, arctic breeze, a dream blossoming in my eyes ..seemed to me like you portrayed all the seasons..into a love story..or shall I say,seasons of love...loved that.
I think you have something with the repetitive lines right? it shows out great effort for me..relating the repetitive line with the other lines isn't that easy I guess..
Write on =)
[ Praised by : Blissful ]
Valedico ( F P C D )
at 2009-02-01
Your poems make my heart ache, whoever gets all your love is the most lucky soul in the world because you bestow so much beauty into your work, it's fascinating.
Metaphorically, this poem is second to none, each stanza creating different metaphors relating to nature and life, and juxtaposing the ideas of nature and love together to form this beautiful piece.
The last line becomes ever more important as the poem moves on, quickly, and I adored the comparison to you as an autumn leaf, remaining in shelter until that one day when you fall, risk it all in hope that something will catch you. The last lines make this blunt to those who didnt get the message from the earlier reading.
Like snowflakes indeed from a gaping sky, dainty, beautiful and descending down towards the ground before they melt, but before this their purpose is to enchant the hearts of many from the gorgeous landscapes they create. This is a very vibrant poem, taking into account the links that people can make between love and most other things in life.
This line stood out to me:
'Lastly unbolting the rusted lock on my heart'
Because the language changes from soft imagery to clunky words which shock the reader adding another fascinating twist. I love it, and I got so much out of reading this, I'm glad I did..
[ Praised by : Blissful ]
Paige11 ( F C D )
at 2009-02-02
Great job, the flow is amazing. I especially love the ending. I love when a poem ends with a question:)
Great Job :)
5/5
NyellMoonlight ( F P C D )
at 2009-02-05
Lovely. Your words never fail to amaze me.
Metaphors are truly great through the whole piece. Connection of emotions and nature worked so well in every stanza, and created such magnificent atmosphere. The repetition of 'like' at the beginnings of the first three stanzas made the flow serene and steady, so the fourth stanza which broke the concept turned out so effective. Nature elements are surely a superb way to highlight the intensity of expressed emotions. Also, your descriptions are beautiful, portrayed with memorable vividness. Whole poem holds some elegance and a whole spectrum of sensations and colors.
I like the repetition of "I fell for you", it added to great effect the flow and meaning of the piece but I expected the ending, so I don't find it powerful as the rest of the piece. I don't want you to get me wrong, you ended it well [the ending lines reflect emotions portrayed throughout the piece] but it lacks surprise effect that I prefer when it comes to endings.
Overall, I think that you did great job with this poem. I like this new writing style of yours, it's complex and really refreshing. Kudos for that :)
[ Praised by : Blissful ]
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