Cindy ( F P C D )
at 2009-01-29
This piece is really beautiful yet heart breaking. Great imagery and word choices.
Perfect ponds tranquility now ripples on a breeze.
Green emerald leaves rustling through the trees.
what a beautiful picture this stanza paints. I can almost hear the rustling leaves.
Even natures splendor can't quell this broken heart.
Every minute an eternity since we've been apart.
When we are apart from someone we love so much if through death or breakup....time seems to almost stop.
Imagining your hazel eyes, with their sparkling glow.
Lasting memories of your caress, passionate and slow.
Isn't it funny when we are apart from our love how thoughts of them seem to occupy our minds. Remembering every little thing about them.
Recollection of our laughter I recall and fondly smile.
Wretched drinking helps a little, if only for a while.
Then our hearts break so much you just want to forget everything.
Shedding sorrows tears in paradise warm sands.
Why you left me all alone, I'll never understand.
It is always painful when you find out someone you love with all that you are doesn't feel the same way.
Our true love crushed forever shattered all apart.
Nothing of this world can erase my lonely heart.
I love your ending.....this poem brought tears to my eyes when I read it......very heart touching poem.
Excellent job!
Love Cindy
[ Praised by : ben thompson ]
Sylvia ( F P C D )
at 2009-01-30
Perfect ponds tranquility now ripples on a breeze.
Green emerald leaves rustling through the trees.
^^A beautiful image a pond rippling with the breeze and leaves rustling. Some do appear as green as emeralds.
Even natures splendor can't quell this broken heart.
Every minute an eternity since we've been apart.
^^Nothing can stop the pain of a broken heart except time and then reminders of that pain will remain in the recesses and spring forth at the most inopportune times. Each minute your lover is gone can seem like an eternity, a lifetime.
Imagining your hazel eyes, with their sparkling glow.
Lasting memories of your caress, passionate and slow.
^^We will always remember the features of a loved ones face, their voice, their touch. Those memories are difficult to erase from your mind.
Recollection of our laughter I recall and fondly smile.
Wretched drinking helps a little, if only for a while.
^^Memories of the laughter or things the lover did can drive a person to drown their sorrows in alcohol and it may seem to help some but in the long run it only creates another problem on top of the broken heart and the memories that keep haunting us.
Shedding sorrows tears in paradise warm sands.
Why you left me all alone, I'll never understand.
^^We do cry and cry and ask why they left us and even if we knew the answer, we would still not understand how it could happen.
Our true love crushed forever shattered all apart.
Nothing of this world can erase my lonely heart.
^^Love shattered all apart, it's as if you can actually see your heart breaking apart into a million pieces and the last line, well to me that is the most powerful line. How wonderful it would be if we could indeed erase a lonely heart but we cannot.
The entire poem is excellent. I am going to add it to my favorites list, and be sure I will read it many times. A good job on this one. 5/5
[ Praised by : ben thompson ]
sluvious ( F P C D )
at 2009-02-01
Perfect ponds tranquility now ripples on a breeze.
the pluralization of ponds and ripples clash
[ Praised by : ben thompson ]
End Of Eternity ( F P C D )
at 2009-02-02
I really havent met any poet on this site who could write a sad poem with such imagination. Great write my friend and i am glad that you are able to release by writing now.
all the best and take care
Dixiedaisy ( F P C D )
at 2009-02-03
When heartbreak is present it is so hard to see the beauty in anything. You can rid yourself of everything that has to do with a broken heart except the memories and those will haunt us for life. Wonderful job on the poem. Take Care, Kay
Beautiful Chaos ( F P C D )
at 2009-02-06
Recollection of our laughter I recall and fondly smile.
Wretched drinking helps a little, if only for a while.
I don't know what it is, but I love these lines, here the flow was spot on and it has a Poe tone for me.
All in all I enjoyed it, you did a nice job.
soso ( F C D )
at 2009-02-06
~Deep sighs~
What kind of high class poetry this is.
I am at loss of words, sincerely I haven't read such tender verses from the realms of pure romance that send my senses swirling, since very long time.
Though I read for so many, I don't recall reading for you and more than grateful that my eyes were opened on such beautiful writing.
In fact I am more than sorry that I have no more votes.
So strange how the memory of lost love inspires us in a positive way.
I like the smart comparison between smiling and sorrow 4th and 5th stanzas so much.
The tranquil sensation of this poem is so overwhelming, that some stanzas evoked feelings of passionate nostalgia, so many of us can relate to.
Very very beautiful read, and by the way I am a huge fan of this style of two lines stanza, I was told that is's been a while for you, please never stop posting.
Best wishes,
Good luck in the contest.
[ Praised by : ben thompson ]
billy rob ( F P C D )
at 2009-02-07
"Recollection of our laughter I recall and fondly smile.
Wretched drinking helps a little, if only for a while."
My goodness, dear friend. This was a level above excellent poetry. It was beautifully crafted and flowed so smoothly. Love...we need it so badly, the need continues after the one we love has left us. Well done. Billy Rob
dreamofolwin ( F P C D )
at 2009-05-18
A very intense and tearjerking write. So beautifully written and expressed, and yet, so sad. LOL . The imagery used, and how the opening lines tell how everything around has changed that "even natures splendour cant quell this broken heart" was very touching. I look forward to reading more of yours.
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