xXBleedingxRoseXx ( F P C D )
at 2009-02-14
Omg i loved it. the words u choice were just perfect.
it reminded mi of that song called "secret valentine" by We the Kings.
but this poem was better then the song. amazingly done here.
5/5
TaKe CaRe,
Frenchy
Ciao Bella ( F P C D )
at 2009-02-14
Aww i love the fairy tailness of this poem. if thats a word lol well done :)
*ash*
Dream Angel ( F P C D )
at 2009-02-15
Oh wow, what a story!
It has such good flow and I loved the rhyming scheme..very clever prince charming, he he! I bet she loved this!
Hugs,
5/5 Ingrid
Cara ( F P C D )
at 2009-02-16
Aww Azzza, what a delightful read.
The story was crazily sweet and although she found the box empty, i still had hope that something even sweeter would happen.. and it did.
If only guys really did things like this! It was beautiful and made me think of fairytale love stories. Guys could learn a lot from reading this, it was a truly romantic and loving story that im sure, every girl would love to be done to them.
Very sweet Azzza.
5/5
Michael D Nalley ( F P C D )
at 2009-02-18
Wonderful flowing tercets and divine imagery blend beautifully in this original love poem
5>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Samantha ( F P C )
at 2009-02-18
Awwwww, this was a reallly great well written sweet poem.
I loved the flow and rhyming.
great work
5/5
Valedico ( F P C D )
at 2009-02-18
I absolutely loved the first stanza, the imagery you've used here is spot on mate, I particularly liked the flow of the poem, and how it's really sweet, and heartwarming. One thing i can say is 'brush her face', would be 'brushed her face'. But thats the only thing, great work mate.
Abortion Stops A Beating Heart ( F P C D )
at 2009-02-18
Beautifully written poem, your emotions were so real throughout each line, that they had me feeling them too. I loved the story and true meaning beyond what you wrote, and it was enjoyable taking a journey through words. A very satisfying ending, I loved each and every part of this! Keep up the amazing work, 5/5 from me. Keep writing, always and forever....
Darien ( F P C D )
at 2009-02-20
I really loved the vivid imagery in this poem. It was filled with such beautiful and romantic scenary. You chose your words well and I loved reading every second of it. Although the rhymes were not very fluent, it still worked out really nice. I enjoyed the ending as well, I thought it was very sweet, whoever you wrote this for, I'm sure they loved it.
xLilMissFrostyx ( F P C D )
at 2009-02-20
"Witnessing the sea of a million crystals
Diamond canvas in the sky that sparkles
Winds playing symphony for the singing angels"
^^What a truly beautiful opening..the imagery within these lines is incredible, so detailed and vivid that I can't help but be pulled into the piece and can't wait to continue on.
"The ocean breeze gently brushed her face
As she looked onto the wide open space
Looking for a sign of her lover's trace"
^^I don't think you need "the" in the first line, it works just as well, if not better, without.
"Midnight beach decorated with rose petals
A runway illuminated with ivory candles
Paving a trail that leads to a castle"
^^Favourite part so far, the imagery in these three lines is incredible, it's almost like I can -see- everything that you're describing.
"Curiosity leads her to walk down the aisle
Heart filled with anticipation for a lovely smile
Hoping the steps that she took will be worthwhile
A box wrapped gift sits gently in the middle
Tempted to unravel it like the forbidden apple
Craving to find the answer to a mystical riddle"
^^I really enjoyed these stanzas, as the reader I'm wondering what's in the box, and can't wait to find out, I found it added a touch of mystery to the poem and left me intriqued.
"Unveiling the gift only to find it's empty
Disappointment aches the heart, crying softly
Her soul longs to be in a state of tranquility"
^^Ooohh this is so sad, I didn't expect this to happen and it leaves me feeling somewhat sad, and wishing that the box wasn't empty.
"Suddenly descended from the heavenly cloud divine
A Prince landed his magic carpet onto the shoreline
Saying "My heart is my gift to you, my secret valentine "
^^What a beautiful, beautiful closing!! To go from mystery to melancholy to such happiness within the last three stanzas sure was a twist and definietly jerks the reader's emotions about, which made for a powerful affect on the overall piece.
I love this.
[ Praised by : Faithless ]
Michael D Nalley ( F P C D )
at 2009-03-10
These flowing tarcets eloquently deliver passionate imagery
5>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Zeenat ( F C D )
at 2009-03-10
Witnessing the sea of a million crystals
Diamond canvas in the sky that sparkles
Winds playing symphony for the singing angels
-What a flawless beginning. Your choice of words were excellant and created such beautiful images in mind.
Ocean breeze gently brushed her face
As she looked onto the wide open space
Looking for a sign of her lover's trace
-Awh, I love it. The emotions are expressed nicely and the passion in her searching for her lover is heart touching.
Midnight beach decorated with rose petals
A runway illuminated with ivory candles
Paving a trail that leads to a castle
-Gosh, I wish this was done for me. The imagery you have created is so beautiful. I love the creativity in this piece already and im not even half way through.
Curiosity leads her to walk down the aisle
Heart filled with anticipation for a lovely smile
Hoping the steps that she took will be worthwhile
-These words create such a rush to the reader. Like they are drawn in and have to read more and more. Everything is coming together so nicely, cant wait to read the rest :)
A box wrapped gift sits gently in the middle
Tempted to unravel it like the forbidden apple
Craving to find the answer to a mystical riddle
-I noticed some of your rhymes were not flowing right and I kept moving along, yet here 'apple' just took me off track, but I am loving the emotions.
Unveiling the gift only to find it's empty
Disappointment aches the heart, crying softly
Her soul longs to be in a state of tranquility
-Wow, I just read a poem before this about the love being wrapped in a box and now im reading a poem of a box alone and loveless. Breaks my heart. What a shock!
Suddenly descended from the heavenly cloud divine
A Prince landed his magic carpet onto the shoreline
Saying "My heart is my gift to you, my secret valentine
-Oh Gosh =X I feel like a dummy, what a shocking ending. I thought it was going to end sad and bam happy ending! I hope this happens in reality with me, thinking its gone and I'm alone and than prince charming comes and sweeps me off my feet on his magic carpet. Love it! Made me smile and
its my final read before bed.
Everything flowed nicely although some rhymes were off, but the emotions, choice of words and imagery blew me away. It was beautifully penned and I enjoyed it very much. Well done superstar =) *5/5* from Zee!! xx
[ Praised by : Faithless ]
whiskeyangel ( F P C )
at 2009-03-11
Amazing i loved it. and the words r beautiful i really injoyed it.
great job keep up the amazing work:)
FlawlesslyTarnished ( F P C D )
at 2009-03-11
Another great piece. The metaphors were beautiful and the imagery was astounding! The flow was great and the emotions were apparent. I can relate to this piece completely. The beginning was very eye catching and I was hooked throughout the whole piece. Overall, amazing. 5/5
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