Italian Stallion ( F P C D )
at 2009-02-23
Wonderful write, full of emotion. The flow was good but like the last people I commented it could've been better with punctuation, I can't stress enough how important punctuation is within a poem. Overall this was a well written piece.
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I ever wonder if we were in a vast ocean
Imprisoned within the heart of a colossal storm
Inviting us to embrace the welcoming death
Yet we remain calm, exchanging our final breath
^^I liked the rhythm and rhyme, nice start to a wonderful poem. I liked how you used the word, "colossal" you don't see that a lot...
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I ever wonder if we were in a fairytale
Our souls lost within the depths of eternity
Entrapped in a cell of everlasting admiration
Yet possibilities of escape is not an option
I wonder if we were beneath a sickening rain
Confined within an emerging, warm ecstasy
Devouring our hearts to fled the effects of reality
Yet we persist no departure, from this heartfelt unity
^^I admire how you used repetiton within this piece, it really prevails the emotions and depths of this poem. I fully enjoyed this line and I like the way it was worded, "Entrapped in a cell of everlasting admiration"
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I wonder if I were ensnared within your web
Entrapped within your genuine tender love
Hypnotizing me deeper within an absolute peace
Yet I remain satisfied, wishing for no release
^^Excellent ending to a fantastic write, but like I mentioned above, I feel it could've been better with punctuation.
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Overall a well written piece of poetry, keep up the great work.
Peace, Joe
[ Praised by : Kenny AKA LoveStory ]
kelleyana ( F P C D )
at 2009-02-25
"I ever wonder if we were in a vast ocean
Imprisoned within the heart of a colossal storm
Inviting us to embrace the welcoming death
Yet we remain calm, exchanging our final breath."
Waw this poem is just wonderful. Very well written. I am please 5/5, kel.
xLilMissFrostyx ( F P C D )
at 2009-02-26
"I ever wonder if we were in a vast ocean
Imprisoned within the heart of a colossal storm
Inviting us to embrace the welcoming death
Yet we remain calm, exchanging our final breath"
^^I adore this opening, so full of depth and emotion with a flawless flow and beatiful imagery that I can't help but be pulled into the piece, and want to read more.
"I ever wonder if we were in a fairytale
Our souls lost within the depths of eternity
Entrapped in a cell of everlasting admiration
Yet possibilities of escape is not an option"
^^This is an amazing way to carry the poem forward, a very strong stanza and I like how you're starting each one with the things you wonder about.
"I wonder if we were beneath a sickening rain
Confined within an emerging, warm ecstasy
Devouring our hearts to fled the effects of reality
Yet we persist no departure, from this heartfelt unity"
^^I love the meaning here, the sincerity and feeling is incredible, easily felt by the reader and the love shows through every written word.
"I wonder if I were ensnared within your web
Entrapped within your genuine tender love
Hypnotizing me deeper within an absolute peace
Yet I remain satisfied, wishing for no release "
^^Ahhh..what a beautiful way to close this piece, hard hitting and strong, something that stays with the reader and has an impact upon the final lines.
I found the flow to be flawless throughout, the imagery was beautifully created within every line and I really enjoyed the rhyming.
Beautifully and elegantly written.
[ Praised by : Kenny AKA LoveStory ]
Michael D Nalley ( F P C D )
at 2009-03-03
You are a master at poetic flow and your depth is most impressive
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