Mr Darcy ( F P C D )
at 2009-05-24
I like the rhyme scheme and format that you have used here. Also the meter of this sounds good too.
In a whisper you will be gone
Like the midday summer breeze
And the happiness that you spawned
Turns to sadness like autumn leaves
^
Using the seasons to reflect human emotions is a very effective and proven metaphor. Likening the whisper of loosing someone to the summer breeze, both fleeting, yet memorable in their heights, highlights this fact. Sadness and autumn symbolises goodness fading away.
This brings along the winter weeks,
With the long dark depressing cold
And like the icy snowy peaks
I have no wish to be consoled
^
I like how you have drawn out the depression by painting a desolate picture of winter, also with the feeling of cold, the wish to wallow in self pity. This I am sure is something most will be able to relate to, feeling so wretched that it consumes and blocks out the sun.
Yet spring will come and melt away
The hidden forgotten gardens beneath
And like hidden summers shining rays
I show what truly lies underneath
^
Spring - new life - re-birth - a time for awakening and venturing into the world again. Healing time of winter has freshened and revitalised the gardens (heart/soul) so that this garden can once again be open to admiring visitors.
Well done
Michael
[ Praised by : Scrittore ]
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