Comments

3eighteen09xFnD ( F P C D ) at 2009-04-14

Wow this sounded more of a song. i bet it would mae an amazing one. but has a poem it's stil ana amzing piece to read. i love it from beginning to end. the flow was off and on in sum part. but i didnt realie mind cuz i just times dnt mind.

So forever it will fall
from somewhere up above.
As an unexpected down fall...


...of unconditional love.

^the ending was a realie good ending for me. i love it and amazing job you did here. keep it up.
5/5

TaKe care,
Frenchy

Michael D Nalley ( F P C D ) at 2009-06-14

Though I sense this one was written from a personal experience I can relate as I am sure many can

Nikkayybby8D ( P ) at 2009-09-12

I actually thought that this was very good. I don't believe that in four lined stanza-styled poetry, that punctuation is always needed. It's always different with each poet. If you look in books of published poetry from professionals, even they don't use punctuation sometimes. It just depends on what you're feeling at that time, I think. If you actually want them to pause in the middle of a stanza, I believe a comma would be appropriate, but at the end of a line? I don't believe that is needed. I believe that when a line ends, people don't read the next one in the same breath as that one.

Ex:
I've always wanted only you
the you I thought you'd be
When burdens of a stress filled life
were sanctified by me

^^ "It happened one night" said that
you needed a comma after life, which
I totally disagree. I believe that the pause
is sort of insinuated without the need of a comma.

I think that without a period at the end of a line in a stanza, you could instead capitalize the first letter of the next line to make it flow as you would like it to.

I believe this piece is wonderful. I hope I helped. Keep it up!

Jackie ( F C ) at 2009-12-14

A beautiful poem, well written 5/5

KayJayxxxRTVW ( F C D ) at 2009-12-29

Randy,
You should write more. You do such an amazing job when it comes to writing love poetry. This is no exception. You did a great job with the format. I can tell that you put a lot into it.
5/5

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