Mer Divinity ( F C D )
at 2009-05-06
You sure do use a lot of adjectives, Alfred. Be careful! :)
I loved this poem. It was long but it was worth it, you did a beautiful job penning this. 5/5
Bri~
Nema ( F P C D )
at 2009-05-11
Wow Al..I haven't enjoyed such beautiful love poem in so so long..
I really love your metaphors, you did a great job, I can tell you focused on them too much this time, that the whole poem is based on metaphors.
I really love your sensational heart, your decent romance and your deep, loving words.
This piece shows so much affection for the one you love, or even for the one you imagine you're in love with.
I just can't describe how much I love this poem, the last part was so very catchy, and there's a metaphor that got stuck in my mind:
"your fruitful folds of softness,
upon the beating meadows
of sensual hills and hidden valleys
of exhausted yearnings,
exploring the depth of the universe"
^Amazing job :) my fave one!
A long comment sorry lol, I just can't resist.
Well done Al =)
Deserves the win!
Side Effects ( F P C D )
at 2009-05-11
I can see you tried hard with this and it felt like you thought this through. Each part was mature and everything seemed to be in the right place.
I feel the length is off putting and I think it will hard for younger members of the site to understand. But part of you is in this and it has heart
5/5
Luanne ( F P C D )
at 2009-05-11
Congrats on your win Illumi. Takes my breath away as all your writes do. Very deserving of the front pages sweetie!
Cindy ( F P C D )
at 2009-05-11
Congrats Alfred :)
A beautiful passion filled piece you have penned.
There is no longer you
nor I
just
an embrace in Life's Movement
only
One Soul
that has become
a tormentor, a savior,
a prostitute, a virgin,
to die for
to be restored to life
from the seeds of
Love
I love the ending...and as always it is so easy to get lost in your words.
~Clapping~
(((hugs)))
Cindy
Weeping Wolf ( F P C )
at 2009-05-12
Wow...just wow. I haven't read a poem this majestic and seductive to my mind as this one in a verrrry long time. You seemed to have captured the very essence of the feeling when lust and love are entwined, the feeling that this person you truely love, you can take all of them in sensuality and find them truely desirable. Usually, its one or the other. Too many adjectives? Nonsense, I love every one of them, its what complells the reader, pulls them in to this poem, seduces them. I could feel all the lustful desier so powerfully you almost had my mouth watering just thinking of kissing such an angelic and luscious body, the imagery was grand and vivid, mezmoring to me, one so familiar with such a feeling. You have brought it to life the way I could never put in to words, congradulations, you have truely astounded me. Wonderful, wonderful poem! I'm putting it in my favorites! You can take a glance of my poetry if you like, but its definitely not as good as this.
-WeepingWolf
Gentern Sweet ( F P C )
at 2009-05-17
Now, i'm no expert on poetry, but when I read a poem, I don't look at it as something to analyse chunk by chunk, but a piece of art to be liked or disliked. I just so happened to love this poem. It was very beautiful. It caputured me entirely. Well done.
Nicko ( F P C D )
at 2009-06-04
My stripped heart
idles in passion's liquid fire
aching to brush hard
against your swelling breasts
I liked your first four lines though as a whole I find this a difficult read, too full of adjectives that interrupt the flow and meter, Its as if you are trying to impress the reader with your use of adjectives and metaphors. Personally I find this a little too flowery for me, I'm more into raw, more likely to stomp over the flower bed than tiptoe through it. although the following four lines are raw edged but hard to comprehend.
to become a tyrant granite wave
and crash nakedly
into the inviting ivory shores
of your prismatic submission,
We know the topic and objective of this poem but would a lover want a tyrant granite wave hitting her ivory shores hoping for her colourful submission.
I find this somewhat staged and flat. I sometimes rate a poem by wether I would be comfortable standing and reading it in front of an audience. I don't think I could successfully relate this effectively as it comes across as too forced and contrived
Michael D Nalley ( F P C D )
at 2009-07-22
I hope you enjoyed writing this as much as I enjoyed reading it. Now, if you will excuse me, I must take a cold shower!
AngelDust ( F P C D )
at 2009-11-28
''have captured every nightingale
to imprison all the love poesies
and let you only feel
the hunger of my vaulted lips,
how they tremble for freedom
to become a tyrant granite wave
and crash nakedly
into the inviting ivory shores
of your prismatic submission,
trying to quench
their unquenchable intimate thirst
again
and
again''
My fav part. This is beautiful and it was very, very well written. I adore the imaginary. You're an excellent writer. The wording was lovely and the iece flawless. Well done and congrats, again = )
xDanikax
xxoxoxx
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