Comments

Broken Angel ( P ) at 2009-05-25

Wow
this is so deep and meaningful
so much emotion
i really felt the pain
the last line "I'm leaving you" really struck home
well done

Luna Blue ( F P C D ) at 2009-06-14

A very deep write, indeed. I liked the ending " I'm leaving you". Even though those are just simple words. It was kind off unexpectable for a love poem. So that's why I liked it.

About the poem itself, I would suggest to use punctuation here and there. I think it would read better.
Here's how I would present the poem, but it's just a suggestion:

Upside down in my thoughts:
my mind's tainted,
only dark images
please my mind,
and tell me words
forsaken by others.

Everything grey and blackened,
my eyes closed
in a bright hallway.
Everyone showing comfort,
rejected with the motion
of a fist

laying in a bed
for days and days,
staring at the phone
and standing around
in familiar places
with the same faces

laying on the floor,
surrounded
by pages of notes.
So much emotion flying,
but only one note matters,
the one that says

"I'm leaving you"

Don't know if you liked it, but if don't, then simply don't change it. =]

Keep writing,
Luna