Mary ( F C )
at 2009-06-23
Hey
I really liked your poem and i could see you have some talent here. The flow and rhythm of the poem was really brilliant and also the meaning behind it was great.
I just think you could fix one or two things to make it much better...
It hurts and it burns
yet my hear yearns,
Yearns for something...
More...
Someone I do believe...
Can you help me?
all of your poem had a great flow and everything but these 2 stanzas ^^^ were a little bit messy... (just trying to help) if you want to just touch it up a little and your whole poem would be perfect. =)
Fullmetal ( F C )
at 2009-06-24
I really enjoyed this poem. Very heartfelt and very real. it was great.
I Bruise Easily ( F P C D )
at 2009-06-25
>>GREAT POEM, GREAT RHYMES, GREAT WORDING. IN SOME PLACES LINES FEEL FORCED AND SOME LINES GET CUT OFF SHORT<<
>>READ THROUGH IT AGAIN AND SEE IF ANYTHING POPS OUT AT YOU TO CHANGE - I FIND THAT ONCE IVE WRITTEN A POEM I CAN READ IT OVER AND OVER AND I WILL END UP CHANGING MINOR THINGS TO MAKE IT BETTER THAN BEFORE<<
well done, an excellent read.
IBE
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