Comments - Embers Burn

Sylvia ( F P C D ) at 2009-07-07

A sad love poem. The title drew me in and not at all what I expected. Very well done.

Dixiedaisy ( F P C D ) at 2009-07-08

Oh how I have missed your writes. You have that timing and rhythym in your words that it always flows so easily when read to myself.
As for the poem, in my opinion it was fantastic. What a beautiful, yet sad write. Enjoyed it thoroughly. Thanks for sharing.
Take Care,
Kay

Rachel ( F P C D ) at 2009-07-09

Normally I would say something about filler words and simple rhyming but the flow and rhythm are so impeccable I can not say that that takes away from the piece at all. None of the rhyming is forced or cliche, absolutely beautiful!

Cindy ( F P C D ) at 2009-07-09

Jeannie
After reading this I remebered how much I have missed your poetry. This is such a beautiful stunning poem of lost love.

As sorrow drifts among my dreams
And night fades in to gray
I see the passion in the eyes
Of love that went away
Into the mist of broken hearts
Are souls left in decay
Along the edge of sanity
True heartache seems to play

The pain and heartace can be felt in every word. The imagery and word choices are great.

All embers burn against the mind
As beats in hearts are lost
A second timed inside the soul
Thoughts in the wind are tossed
Now hope has found no refuge here
And pain has caused a frost
So deep the cold within ourselves
A trust is what it cost

How very sad...I got a lump in my throat as I read these verses.

A flicker of a firelight
That burnt so long ago
Now holds the arms of emptiness
Inside its wanton glow
How true the heart has failed this time
And crumbles deep the soul
As embers die inside the mind
There's answers left to know

Then you have to think will the answers ever really be known?

Burn love of life within the heart
As steady sees the night
The fire faint, the embers burnt
Then dashed the faded light
And though you try to gain again
You try with all your might
Without the faith of constant time
There dies the will to fight

It is so sad when you lose the fight from a broken heart.


So thus in tears, you shroud yourself
As truth hides in disgrace
No time to hold on to the thoughts
For lies are what you face
Your will is bent beyond repair
Now heartache's found its place
Among the embers of the burn
Within true pain's embrace

What a sad piece jeannnie.
Excellent job!
Love Cindy

Cindy ( F P C D ) at 2009-07-13

Congrats Jeannie :)
~Clapping~

Randy East ( F P C D ) at 2009-07-15

I love to read poems like this one. Poems that don't strain your mind with bumpy glitches and staggered thoughts. The smoothness and flow of this poem was amazing. Its what makes you a top notch poet. Better than 97% of the poets on this site. In my opinion of coarse. lol

this poem is enough to add you to my favorite poets list. Which I will do. It's also good enough that i will definitely read more of your work. I hope my poetry can move you as much as yours did me.

5/5

Directly Implied ( F P C D ) at 2009-07-16

First congrats on the win and after reading I don't think the judges had much of a choice this was really well written. It held the readers attention great flow and very enjoyable

Sydney ( F ) at 2009-07-16

This is one of the most beautiful poems I've ever read on this website. I can just feel the emotions and pain that this poem is expressing. Excellent job!!! 5/5

Mer Divinity ( F C D ) at 2009-07-17

All I can say is WOW!

Prolife And Proud ( F P C D ) at 2009-07-27

"As sorrow drifts among my dreams
And night fades in to gray
I see the passion in the eyes
Of love that went away
Into the mist of broken hearts
Are souls left in decay
Along the edge of sanity
True heartache seems to play"

Excellent flow and rhyming here, this automatically caught my interest and held it there. I love your vivid imagery and the emotions pouring throughout each line.


"All embers burn against the mind
As beats in hearts are lost
A second timed inside the soul
Thoughts in the wind are tossed
Now hope has found no refuge here
And pain has caused a frost
So deep the cold within ourselves
A trust is what it cost"

Beautiful job, you express the pain and sorrow so clearly and bring it to the reader too.


"A flicker of a firelight
That burnt so long ago
Now holds the arms of emptiness
Inside its wanton glow
How true the heart has failed this time
And crumbles deep the soul
As embers die inside the mind
There's answers left to know"

This probably had to be my favorite stanza. First of all, I loved "flicker of a firelight" and how you say it now holds "the arms of emptiness". Very uniquely worded and that is what really strikes the reader. Well-penned.


"Burn love of life within the heart
As steady sees the night
The fire faint, the embers burnt
Then dashed the faded light
And though you try to gain again
You try with all your might
Without the faith of constant time
There dies the will to fight"

How heartbreaking and sad this is, you keep the reader into this poem and have a consistent flow and rhyming. Nice work!


"So thus in tears, you shroud yourself
As truth hides in disgrace
No time to hold on to the thoughts
For lies are what you face
Your will is bent beyond repair
Now heartache's found its place
Among the embers of the burn
Within true pain's embrace"

A powerful ending, your word choice here stood out and amazed me. Excellent job, well worth the win. So congratulations! I am very sorry for the late comment, you did a wonderful job.

5/5 from me, take care and God bless!

~MaryAnne

a nife called lust ( F P D ) at 2011-09-18

Wow 5/5 you are a verry good wrighter.