My Sisters Keeper ( F P C D )
at 2009-08-28
An excellent poem but I didn't like this stanza
"Yet you carve thoughts
upon my chambers
like Hieroglyphs
portraying a story."
The poem for me lost it's feeling here and seemed more about trying to sound good. I doubt that is the way you meant to come off and it could just be the way I am reading it but that is how I felt
4/5 all good but that one stanza
Jenna Davies
R.T.V.W
xxx
Beautiful Chaos ( F P C D )
at 2009-10-01
"Yet you carve thoughts
upon my chambers
like Hieroglyphs
portraying a story."
I think it is the last line of this stanza that I don't really enjoy, maybe a word other than story, I already assume the telling of a story with the word Hieroglyph.
"and satisfy hearts strings
like moth to thy flame
while licking the lips
of emotional desire."
Here I am shaky on the opening line, but I love the last 3 and the passion that seems hidden behind the words.
Overall I thought it was pretty good, nice work.
Demonic Inferno ( F P C D )
at 2009-10-10
Very well written best written poem I've read for a while full of delicate emotion flowed well ended well great job
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