Sylvia ( F P C D )
at 2009-09-15
That waiting for the one you love can be hell. The pain, emotions you go through and then the day arrives and they are there, relief. Well done.
Cindy ( F P C D )
at 2009-09-16
Karla
Another lovely poem you have penned.
Good job!
Take care
Cindy
Meena Krish ( F P C D )
at 2009-09-16
First off I like your style of writing and your
choice of words draws a clear picture.
I knit future carefully pretending not to notice
My own desire
This line is simply put, knit the future..liked it!
I crave for
A one-way ticket to your heart but my untamed
Fate insists on a prelude...
Another good one, untamed fate. How true
we don't know what fate has in store for us..
very good!
Overall loved the read :)
Princess Fiona ( F P C D )
at 2009-09-16
You sweep me away to the land of romance. Where dreams are possible and love waits with open arms. I really love your romantic side of poetry. Some are sad yet the belief is always there waiting to be touched and enjoyed.
Good job sista :]
Siya
at 2009-09-21
This is a good piece of work well done i must say you got style. i hope you not going to stop writing cause i'l be waiting to read more.
peace out.
Erin
at 2009-09-21
I agree to Princess Fiona! Although the romantic bring some sadness but the feeling of romantic is so strong in your poem. It can be the voice of most of the girls outside there but at least it explained how I feel.
My favourite part is
"I want to waken infinity, I need to know
All of your dangerous secrets..."
Its like we can sacrifice everything and even die for him just to know his little small secret! Gosh love it!
This is a great poem! Looking forward to see more of your romantic poems!
billy rob ( F P C D )
at 2009-09-25
"I want to waken infinity, I need to know
All of your dangerous secrets...I crave for
A one-way ticket to your heart but my untamed
Fate insists on a prelude..."
How very hard it is to write erotically without going over the edge. You have mastered that in this beautiful write. Full of imagery and written masterfully. Well done. Billy Rob
Spirit of the Forest ( F P C D )
at 2009-09-28
"Watch me multiply flowers while the wind carries invisible
Poems all through the night."
"Poems" does not need to be capitalized, since it is not the start of a new sentence.
The first part, "Watch me multiply flowers while the wind carries..." was very surprising to me, I wasn't expecting this kind of opening. It was beautiful, impressive and brilliant. To be simply put.
"Even clouded by pain and disillusioned with reality,
I knit future carefully pretending not to notice
My own desire."
"My" doesn't need to be capitalized..
Loved the usage of "knit" here, it created a different view for the reader, in a more fresh and new way.
"My wanting anticipates my tomorrow,
My fire lost in my language burns
Quietly...so quietly..."
Well-expressed emotions here, the second line took my breath away and you have a wonderful way with words where you can be so expressive without being dull or losing the reader.
"I sigh in frustration, I step back
And wander..."
Good use of colons too, it added a nice touch.
"I want to waken infinity, I need to know
All of your dangerous secrets...I crave for
A one-way ticket to your heart but my untamed
Fate insists on a prelude..."
Clear and well-said, this words flowed harmoniously together to form a river of words for the reader to drink upon.
"Hungry I wait for my harvest...
Hungry my eyes send messages
To my pores while my heart waits for
The one it adores..."
Great ending, I liked the style you wrote in.
My only suggestion would be to not capitalize every line unless that is you and what you are comfortable with. I learned this recently, if it is in the middle of a sentence and not beginning a sentence, there is no need.
Otherwise, 5/5 from me, I don't read love poems that often but you have me now rethinking!
Congrats on the win, of course very well-deserved! Good work!
God bless you.
~MaryAnne
Genuine Lavender ( F C D )
at 2009-09-29
Congratulations.
Strong sentiments of passion and a different style we are not much familiar with... Nice work.
Take care
Seth Rowley ( F C )
at 2009-09-30
Good poem although I don't quite understand what it meant
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