Comments

EvanescentMoon ( F P C D ) at 2009-10-20

Only one woman could open my chest
tho many did try there best
but no one could bring back that feeling
of being secure from kneeling.
^^tho, i think it was though, and there should be their

My first love in the mist
so cold our bodies kissed
^^there is something awkward here...I think the second line, you need to put some pause there, may change to "dark and cold, yet
our body kissed" i think it sounds better like that.. Just my opinion though...:-)

Most nights i sit awaiting for your return
^^I should be capitalized, i know its a slight thing but it always look good and is right if you'll capitalize I anywhere and everytime..:-) Plus a comma after the word sit would look perfect, as this stanza is my fave.

I liked the idea this poem was trying to portray...very interestingand with a hint of fantasy romance..I liked it..