Meena Krish ( F P C D )
at 2009-11-03
Its the first time I'm reading about a
chocolate been so desirable and fiery! It is
infact a very delicious treat! Liked the read :)
Sylvia A ( F P C D )
at 2009-11-03
You met the challenge. A love affair with chocolate, wow. It can be hard to resist that wonderful piece of chocolate. Well done.
Lady Nik ( F P C D )
at 2009-11-03
So I want some chocolate lol. Very good job Mel. You did a wonderful job with describing the chocolate and making it seem so real. I loved this poem. Keep it up deary :) Nik
Dave ( F C D )
at 2009-11-03
You did an amazing job with this challenge! You captured the underlying sensual innuendo of chocolate perfectly and tastefully. Another great write!
Dave.
Quiet Insanity ( F C D )
at 2009-11-03
I'll never look at a chocolate bar the same again.
You have definitely gotten the chocolate seduction down . I agree with Dave , tastefully done
DreamOfOlwin ( F P C D )
at 2009-11-03
A challenge well met! Loved it Mel ... Very well done :)
Dixiedaisy ( F P C D )
at 2009-11-03
LOL.... What a very unique write about the love of chocolate. You have done it justice.
As for the grammatical part of the poem, I think there should be no space between with and out. That is the only small thing that I seen as far as any critique of it. As for the message......Yowza! Wonderful job. This was my favorite stanza....
Tantalizing beguiling images tease the senses.
With out regard I am standing before you.
No remembrance of how I came to be here.
Anxiously yet slowly removing your cloak of shame.
^^ Removing the cloak of shame. That is a remarkable line to bring sensuality to undressing the chocolate.
Which I happen to do everyday, I am addicted to the Snickers bars. I heart them.
If you had not put that it was about chocolate I am sure that people would take it a different way, it was very tastefully (no pun intended ) done.
Awesome Job!!!!!!
Take Care,
Kay
Courageous Dreamer ( F P C D )
at 2009-11-03
Lol you're so original. I loved your word choice and was not at all expecting that this was about chocolate hahaha, well done. Unexpected ending :]
william mae ( F P C )
at 2009-11-03
You are a wonderful writer, that is easy to see, your words will hold anyones attention, and hold for more than a moment.
End Of Eternity ( F P C D )
at 2009-11-04
You got me with this one...is all i would say :)
All the time i was thinking what is this poem doin in this section...lol
And i felt so dirty when i read the last stanza, i guess thats what your plan was..lol
Awesome write indeed, loved it.
all the best and take care
Musicality ( F P C D )
at 2009-11-05
It is quite clear from this piece that you have talent. You use your vocabulary splendiferously. However I believe rest ought to be rests in this line >
"Exposing the naked beauty that rest within."
Tantalizing beguiling images tease the senses.
^Perhaps a comma btw tantalizing and beguiling?
Between Anxiously and yet?->"Anxiously yet slowly removing your cloak of shame."
My senses straining to resist you once again.
Yet my mouth waters for a taste .(maybe replace yet with a different word- still, but...etc. et al.
The construction of ->"Almost orgasmic that last piece of chocolate." seems a little off seeing as the chocolate is the subject of the line- and it's lacking a verb to tie it with the adjective of orgasmic.
Still, I Love this poem! It was a magnificent and sensual portrayal of a chocolatey addiction :)
The Poetic Child ( F P C D )
at 2009-11-05
Wow, amazing how you make something so simple be so rare, delicate and craving
i loved it
Mysterious Charmer ( F C )
at 2009-11-06
I find it amazing and tad funny how something like chocolate, that can't talk or move can be so seductive lol. I found this piece to be quite amusing, and brilliantly worded. An enjoyable read!
Take care,
Mysterious Charmer
kelleyana ( F P C D )
at 2009-11-06
Oh my you mention chocolate, emmmmm, i can't resist it. Reading this poem makes me crave to take a bite. Well done, kel.
Em ( F P C D )
at 2009-11-09
Chocolate is one thing us girls can't resist. This is beautiful and describes chocolate in a way I never thought it would be, well done. 5/5, Em
John Peterson ( F P C D )
at 2009-11-09
Never had chocolate described quite like this before..loved it!!! Awesome
Kuro ( F P C D )
at 2009-11-10
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaah
you got me. that was a mean trick. grumble grumble imgoingtogogetsomechocolate grumble grumble
Ingrid ( F P C D )
at 2009-11-15
Some say women like chocolate more than sex, ha ha ha....Well, certain lovers from my past made me see there is a little truth to this statement. But seriously, chocolate induces feelings of happiness and it is healthy too, provided you do not eat too much of it!
Nice poem Melody, very sensual too.
God bless:)
5/5 Ingrid
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