Orangerhymeswithsyringe ( F C )
at 2009-12-28
I like this, and your portrayal of conflicting love interests has been conveyed pretty strongly. I really like most of the words you decided to choose to show us how you felt and the strong contrast you've used, but there's two words in particular that I thing have the wrong connotation: "thug" and "bard", both mean very different things than what you have tried to use them as in your poem.
Sorry, I'm an english nerd. =P
Some minor grammar errors:
"can'tt" -> "can't"
"In my heart you always stay" -> the "you" should be "you'll" (contraction for you will).
:)
[ Praised by : Gazette18 ]
Orangerhymeswithsyringe ( F C )
at 2009-12-28
Ups, how ironic.
Thing = think. :P
Orangerhymeswithsyringe ( F C )
at 2009-12-28
And looking at your changes (thug, bard) this sounds much more wonderful. Excellent work.
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