Autumn Breeze ( F C )
at 2009-11-14
I'll never forget
the day darkness came.
And ...
the sun crumbled
with each drop of rain
What a beautiful start to a beautiful verse. How very sad your words were and surely could only have been written from a heart that has experienced this pain first hand.
EvanescentMoon ( F P C D )
at 2009-11-14
Luu, another wonderful piece from you yet filled with profound emotions. I felt the extreme pain while reading this, i hope i am mistaken...Also, i found this piece portraying regrets of what we could have done in the past...heartbreaking piece Lu...~~~hug~~~
Cindy ( F P C D )
at 2009-11-15
Luanne
What a heartbreaking piece you have penned. Your poems always reach in and touch the hearts of the reader.
Soul died ... pain lived !
Heaven and Hell collided ...
and until the last of the last
breath -
they would play in my memories.
We carry so many memories with us. So much pain along with all the wonderful happy times. The pain becoming a part of who we are. Living through the bad times helps us to stand stronger.
Excellent!
Take Care
Cindy
Tom Swart ( F P C )
at 2009-11-18
What a train of thoughts you wove here. A very nice flow of emotions. Bravo!! Words perfectly chosen and in just the right places..
My Sisters Keeper ( F P C D )
at 2009-11-19
"I'll never forget
the day darkness came.
And ...
the sun crumbled
with each drop of rain."
Good imagery here lu. I loved it and its hooked me in.
"Amazing how
hearts can hang from the moon
yet, never see the stars.
To live yet die
within the same breath."
This is a beautifully stanza but what made it for me was "hearts can hang from the moon
yet, never see the stars."
"Soul died ... pain lived !
Heaven and Hell collided ...
and until the last of the last
breath -
they would play in my memories."
The opening of this stanza was a little off for me. I feel you could give it a bit more power so it has a deeper effect on the reader.
"Never say never was
-untouchable-
when forever was alive ...
yesterday.
The day before the skies fell ... "
If you want honesty in my opinion the ending was not as good as the start although the last line did stand out. I feel the last two stanza's were weaker compared to the rest of the poem but overall very moving and beautiful.
5/5 because of the first 2 stanza's and because I like the simpicity
Jenna Davies
R.T.V.W
xxx
[ Praised by : Cindy ]
william mae ( F P C )
at 2009-11-19
What a beautiful and sad poem, the pain of losing someone is by far the greatest of all pains in life we face. when looking from the place of pain we see different from any other place we stand.
th littlle lies
at 2009-11-21
Its Quite Meaningful (:
Kiko ( F C )
at 2009-11-23
This is an exceptional write, in both language and feeling. Congrats on the win.
AngelDust ( F P C D )
at 2009-11-23
This is beautifully written and certianly deserved to win. The words you used are very well put together and the poem as a whole is well presented. Congrats Lu = )
xDanikax
xxoxoxx
EvanescentMoon ( F P C D )
at 2009-11-23
Congrats on your win..very deserving..****hugs****
Cindy ( F P C D )
at 2009-11-27
Congrats on your win Luanne. It is a beautiful poem :)
Take Care
Cindy
Courageous Dreamer ( F P C D )
at 2009-12-27
'the sun crumbled
with each drop of rain.'
^These lines blew me away, I have never heard of this expression used but I must say I adore it. Obviously when it rains, the sunshine goes away, what a unique way of describing this--the sun crumbling. You couldnt have described it any better!
'hearts can hang from the moon
yet, never see the stars.'
^Another very powerful, & original lines. Left me speechless & in deep thought.
Wow...you sure dont leave the reader with many words after reading this spectacular piece. I again apologize for not noticing this sooner, very very deserving. :]
mossgirl19 ( P C )
at 2010-01-18
Hi. A beautiful poem, I can feel its emotions.
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