Ingrid ( F P C D )
at 2009-12-20
Poems like these are the kind that touch the heart in such a profound way.
The deep feelings you describe are those of true, passionate love and it is what all souls long for....
It is just perfect, Mouris..even if someone find something wrong with the grammar..that is of no real importance, it is perfect as it is, it is real and from the heart.
And in some tranquil nights
when darkness ceases to be
I hear her voice
in my souls embrace...
^^
Beautifully put..I know this feeling too:)
God bless,
5/5 Ingrid
Courageous Dreamer ( F P C D )
at 2009-12-20
I'm not sure if this was the original piece with this title that you wrote a while back, but I believe I like this one better. Your poems read so easily now, this one read beautifully like a story. Just one suggestion -- words that we're not familiar can you define them at the bottom? It might give us a better understanding. For example 'The cold winds form PirPanjal' - If Pirpanjal is a place here -- you would have to change form to from. I don't know if that was a typo or not. Plus it'd be interesting to know what Pirpanjal was. Another place was 'Under the Deodar tree' - Personally I've never heard of a Deodar tree before so that's something I would like clarified to give me a better understanding of your words. -- Otherwise, awesome job... keep posting.
EvanescentMoon ( F P C D )
at 2009-12-20
This was better compare to the old version..Now is much easy to read and flow smoothly. This would go first on my top picks among your other poems..
Stop deleting your poems!!!!
Michael D Nalley TC ( F P C D )
at 2009-12-20
The flow is flawless . The imagery beautiful Your choice perfect This is a masterpiece
I Am Ready To Climb ( F P C D )
at 2009-12-23
This passionate write struck the reader and held their heart with a feeling of love. I liked also the knowledge you gave out in your words, sometimes I would read a line and ponder the meaning yet at the same time be awed at the overall beauty. Anyway, this sweet poem read smoothly the essence of two souls united and their beautiful love song.
A heartwarming tale my dear friend, thank you for sharing this with us.
God bless and Merry Christmas!
~MaryAnne
Autumn Breeze ( F C )
at 2009-12-25
It is a tale
That began one silent night
hushed by falling snow
little flakes of pristine white
had wrapped world in an icy embrace
cloaked trees in ermine coats..
I loved your opening stanza, it painted such a lovely picture and set the scene perfectly.
She came from the dark
like a wandering breeze
on feet as light as dew
she was as one with the moons
mysteries,
these lines here I absolutely adored, such beauty in your words.
The whole poem was enchanting and it made me wonder if it was a dream..I think perhaps it was. Lovely write.
Luna Blue ( F P C D )
at 2009-12-26
First stanza -
It's interesting the way you pull in nature to create an atmosphere of love. Everyone knows that the night is full of romance, and as it's cold outside, there's of course this warmth of love that keeps this in balance.
You've left away a few fillerwords. Though I do think that they're needed at some places, otherwise it sounds too awkward.
[had wrapped world in an icy embrace --> had wrapped the/our/this world in an icy embrace]
Overall, I especially loved your use of "ermine".
Second stanza -
The Deodar tree is a nice touch, as it brings something personal to this piece, even though the reader doesn't know all the details about it.
The way you described the arrival of this lady gives this feeling of being majestic, only by pulling in the moon already indicates this.
"Mans" should be "man's".
I was surprised by the word "acquiesce", it's one of my favourite words, but strange enough, no one else uses it.
Third stanza -
Same goes here, about "PirPanjal", like I said about the Deodar tree.
But here again, I felt as if you left out fillerwords which were actually needed to make proper sentences.
Fourth stanza -
"Brief Eternity", that's quite contradictive. Perhaps you intented it to be like that, but I found it a little bit strange.
The phrase "our own little bliss" I found very cute. Instead of overdoing it and say something huge, something like this can be very effective as well.
Though "Joys of things" and "darkness of things", I found a little bit too vague. What are these "things"? Perhaps you coulvd've expanded more on that. But I liked the use of quotations.
And "souls" should be "soul's".
Fifth stanza -
"this muse of mine", was quite captivating. It would read so much more different if you had just said "my muse". Not sure if you meant the "muse" to be this lady you were describing, or that you invented a twist in the little tale and made this lady you were describing a spiritual item.
Sixth stanza -
Don't see why you've used "some" before tranquil, as it is a little bit disturbing to read that. But maybe it is something of your personal preference.
"Souls" should be "soul's"
^ Just a little messed up opinion of mine on your poem.
It was interesting, as you managed to captivate me in your words (which happens rarely with love poems, in my case). So that's already a plus point. Yet, the mingled use of love and nature was the most captivating point to me.
[ Praised by : ]
Mimed Lovette ( F P C D )
at 2009-12-29
Wow, I thought that this was one of the amazing poems I've ever come across. I like the really detailed descriptions, it;s like I could paint a picture in my mind and like the events are just slowly unfolding like a movie. I loved this part especially:
From some higher sphere--
looking down
"Knowing how we two had loved
Many and many a year ago?"
Though I took quite some time re-reading it, I guess I got the gist of it.
Faithless ( F P C D )
at 2010-01-03
Mouris, I think I've read this poem before, and I still can't get enough of it. I love how you penned this poem. Opening up the poem in a narrative manner, soon, you fills in the shoe of the protagonist. Your words paints lovely images in the reader's minds. Such a delightful poem to read. Please stop deleting your poems. You're a very talented writer and you should be proud of your works.
SilentLoveHurts
at 2010-01-12
You have a great creative imagination. Simply beautiful!
Adelaide ( P )
at 2010-01-13
This was so amazing. Your use of language paints a vivid picture for me to visualize as I read it. You are truly talented!
Heidi
Pink Butterfly
at 2010-01-29
Awesome!!!! Wonderfully written piece!!! I love how you constructed this poem. Very very original. God bless you always!
-Pink Butterfly-
Stephanie Michelle ( F C )
at 2010-01-31
This is beautiful and perfectly written! I just love how everything flows and the emotion you put into the piece.
And in some tranquil nights
when darkness ceases to be
I hear her voice
in my soul's embrace...
^^ I thought how you ended this was bittersweet yet beautiful.
5/5
Alone In my Quandary ( C D )
at 2010-02-28
It is a tale
that began one silent night
hushed by falling snow
wispy flakes of pristine white
had wrapped the world in an icy embrace
cloaked trees in ermine coats..
I swear i loved the way u started this poem...
Superb and truly worth reading..:)
I wish i could write such poem.. i give u 5/5!!!
Lettredufront ( F )
at 2010-03-10
Nice written.
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