Comments - Letters From Hell

Courageous Dreamer ( F P C D ) at 2010-07-20

"She reads his letters while alone at night, under starlit skies,"
I'm almost positive that you don't need 'under starlit skies' you infer that when you say it's night. I know it messes the rhyme up but I don't believe its necessary.

A pretty good write that anyone who has a solider over seas would understand the emotions you speak of in this write. Very sad, yet the letters from the person they love are a sort of reassurance that everything will be okay. A nice write

Cyber Saiyan ( F C D ) at 2010-07-21

The opening line is great, it really sets the mood and imagery of the mood. I thought the second line was a little choppy; it sounds betters as either SHE FOLDS THE PAPER or FOLDING THE PAPER. The way its written sounds like an exert from a larger line; kind of line an incomplete sentence. The shows up again throughout the poem. There is nothing wrong with the way that its written, but it throws the flow off some. I like that you did not disclose too much info in the opening lines either. I wasnt sure if he was off at war or if he died or maybe he just left her. I like the suspense.

The next paragraph adds to the imagery a little more and also adds to the story as well. These lines flow perfectly and dont have much room for improvement, but I didnt like the MAY KILL HER LOVE line. I wasnt sure if you meant it would kill her love FOR him, or kill him WHO IS HER LOVE. Small detail, but i had to read the line twice to make sure i read it correctly.

The last three stanzas kinda run together, but not in a bad way. I thought that you could have mentioned something along the lines of it being night here, but day there; it kind of shows how far apart they are physically. I really like how the ending lines are repeated from the opening stanza as well; the repetition bonds the entire poem together.

Overall, the poem is well written. The flow is good and the ryhmes were strong. You make a few references to the stars in the night sky; i would have liked to see some contrasting references to the blazing sun pounding down on him as the stars back light her scenes.

cantchangeme ( F P C D ) at 2010-07-21

A really well constructed poem with great rhyming that makes it flow excellently. More importantly it touches on a subject which is itself touchingly sad and poignant. and a one that unfortunatley many can relate to. great poem.

Em ( F P C D ) at 2010-07-23

This piece has left me well and truly speechless.
Amazing is an understatement. Well done you, 5/5.

Tangible heartache ( F P C D ) at 2010-07-24

At First, When I Read This. I Really Thought You Would Be In This Situation. You Aren't Are You? Sometimes The Best Poets Can Turn Something They Never Expirenced, Into Something Thatt...Someone Feels Everyday Exactly. Your Amazing(:

Ray Smallshaw ( F P C D ) at 2010-07-26

Excellent Carl after serving 23 years in the armed forces I often wonder what my wife did with my letters I hoped she never did as your poem suggests but I know many who did. Our children were some consultation. beautiful pu together full of sentiment and feeling. worth a 5/5 in my book. Ray S

ganjaru ( F C D ) at 2010-07-26

Wow ^^ i love it ..

Coldstone ( C D ) at 2010-07-26

Wow! so touching! I love the way you wrote it. the flow was perfect n the rhyming as well! gud job! 5/5 plus, m gona add it to my fav:)

Nz0 ( F C D ) at 2010-07-28

With strong words and great understanding, you have captured the feelings of the setting and described them wonderfully.
5*

Michael D Nalley TC ( F P C D ) at 2010-07-28

Very contempary and well written

The Open Closet ( F C D ) at 2010-07-28

This was such a powerful piece, it had me captivated from the start ... i like the rhyming, it added to the flow and i like how you started and ended the poem the same. When i read this, i pictured myself as the girl praying under the stars, and i could really feel all the emotions she would have felt. It was amazing... very very nicely written. loved it.

I disagree with courageous dreamer, not all nights are starlit!

The Open Closet ( F C D ) at 2010-07-28

This was such a powerful piece, it had me captivated from the start ... i like the rhyming, it added to the flow and i like how you started and ended the poem the same. When i read this, i pictured myself as the girl praying under the stars, and i could really feel all the emotions she would have felt. It was amazing... very very nicely written. loved it.

I disagree with courageous dreamer, not all nights are starlit!

Dixiedaisy ( F P C D ) at 2010-07-30

Being raised in a military town and being a strong supporter of our troops, I was able to identify with this write. You did a great job with it and touched the readers emotions. I love for a poem to reach in and grab the emotions and linger with an afterthought about the subject.
Nice job, Kay

Faithless ( F P C D ) at 2010-07-31

Well I can feel the sorrow for the protagonist, whose memory of her lover were the letters that he sent her. So much emotions can be felt throughout the poem. The flow was flawless. I also like the idea of how you used the intro to end the poem.

Great Job

ruth ( C ) at 2010-08-06

I loved it. It was so simple but very powerful. i liked how you repeated the first lines at the end. Keep up the good work !

ruth ( C ) at 2010-08-06

I loved it. It was so simple but very powerful. i liked how you repeated the first lines at the end. Keep up the good work !

Brittney Schmelter ( F P C D ) at 2010-08-07

This is a very strong poem full of heartache and love. A lot of people can relate this the woman in this story, even I can though I have no relatives out at war. I loved how you said the same thing at the beginning and at the end. The only bump in this poem I had was in the last stanza:

Knows her love has gone to hell, Iraq is where the letters from.

I loved the idea of how you said Iraq is Hell. but the end "where the letters from." is really awkward to read. I understand your trying to shorten the line to flow better.. but its still weird. "where the letters come from" or "where the letters are from" rolls a lot better. But that's all.

Wonderful piece. My favorite part was:

Until the day he comes back home, she'll wait beneath the stars,
Afraid the war may kill her love, the letters become her scars.

The letters becoming her scars was a very unique and amazing idea.

Excellent 5/5

victoria ( F C ) at 2010-08-10

Once again another read that leaves chills up and down my spine. I have a few friends already in the military and alot more signing up. Its a hard thing to see. A pointless war (In my eyes) sending innocent victims to a place where battles shouldnt have been. Lovely job.


victoria

Sun Shine ( F P C D ) at 2010-08-23

Omg this is incredibl
I no bet was able to feel bitter with reading more memories of her lover ,,. So much emotions can be felt throughout the poem..no so much much emotions... and what an incredible flow ...


and i cant comment and not mention blowing my head of with the conxn between ur 1st opening and ending lines..

wow...i hope this is still nominate-able ...lol
gr8 work
so much impressed
trust me
5/5

Svandyke ( F P C ) at 2010-11-16

This is a great poem. I was crying by the end. My boyfriend is in Afg and I miss him so much. I live by reading his letters and looking at old pics of us. I can't imagine his life out there but somedays I feel like I'm fighting the battle with him. Good work it really touched me. 5/5.

SVandyke