Comments - Ever Since You've Gone

Lady Nik ( F P C D ) at 2011-05-03

Ever since you've gone

*I didn't like how you worded this. For some reason I want to replace "gone" with "left" sounds better to me*

I've tried to hide the hurt
Putting on a smile

*here I'd say "by putting on a smile" that way you have a sentence and not a random line.*

But inside it doesn't work

*I think a lot of us can relate to that. Trying to hide what's hurting so much inside. *

I can't escape the truth
The reality I've come to know
Within I am breaking

*I'd chance "within" to "deep inside"*
The hard exterior is just a show

*Love that last line*


I've created a shell around me
A wall, a defense

*here I'd say "a wall of defense" sounds weird the way you have it now.*


I lie about how I am feeling
I keep up an act
It's second nature now
But I'm just stabbing myself in the back

*Really liked this stanza.*

I should face the pain
Deal with how I really feel
Get on with life and
Allow myself time to heal

But I am scared
Scared to really feel the pain
Call it a denial but
I'm putting on an act again

*This was a good poem. The emotional content was really strong and heartbreaking. Thanks for sharing. -Nik*

[ Praised by L | Approved by PnQ Mod Account ]

Emilio ( F P C D ) at 2011-05-05

Great poem, heartbreaking really.

Nz0 ( F C D ) at 2011-05-07

Very nice work, i know the feelings mentioned here and uv captured and conveyed them well. the flow and rhyming was good too. 5*

Everlasting ( F C D ) at 2011-10-13

I liked your poem. But I also agree with Lady ink's comment.

Except on the part of the wall of defense⦠i think it sound better if wall is change to facade.
A facade for defense. I made the few changes and I took the liberty of writing your whole poem including Lady Nik's tips.

I really liked the last 2 stanzas. <3


Ever since you left
I've tried to hide the hurt
by putting on a smile
But inside it doesn't work

I can't escape the truth
The reality I've come to know
deep inside I am breaking
The hard exterior is just a show

I've created a shell around me
A facade for defense
I am nothing but a joke full of
False pretense

I lie about how I am feeling
I keep up an act
It's second nature now
But I'm just stabbing myself in the back

I should face the pain
Deal with how I really feel
Get on with life and
Allow myself time to heal

But I am scared
Scared to really feel the pain
Call it a denial but
I'm putting on an act again

lost in love at 2011-11-23

Feeling like you wrote it keeping my pain in mind

Lithium1027 at 2011-12-26

This poem is like the theme song of my life right now. I love it!

Freedom at last ( F P C D ) at 2012-01-14

My gosh this is an amazing piece. I like the way emotion is shown and how you had such a smooth flow. The style is nice and the word choice is excellent. Great job fabulous piece.

BloodLust ( F P C ) at 2012-01-31

Of the poems i have read of yours so far. . . I just love this one so much because a lot of people have felt this way and have a hard time expressing it but i love the words you chose and how you put them together. I can really feel your heart aching in this. I love it and it's a very strong emotional piece. Thanks for commenting and rating my poem. I look forward to reading more from you. keep writing cause you're great at it:) 5/5


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