Comments - Old photos and crinkled love letters

Karla ( F P C D ) at 2012-02-23

I really liked your poem but what I loved was I in lower case letter. It shows how small you feel before this devastating love.Excellent write.

Jenni ( F P C D ) at 2012-02-23

I really enjoy the emotions of this poem because even though the speaker knows about what is going on and has an understanding for it, he still suffers. You had some really interesting images and I enjoyed the way the poem flows.

You do have a few spelling errors, this is how you actually spell these words:
suffocation
claustrophobic
hopefully

The Kite Runner ( F C D ) at 2012-02-23

Usually, I don't like long titles, but this title in specific is awesome. It sounds similar to an Arabian title of a book..!


Drops of the deepest emotion falls
from the window to my broken soul,
each drop stains the crinkled love letter
written from your deceiving heart, every word
like a blade tearing through my skin destroying
my protective shell, leaving my heart vulnerable
to the suffercation of your betrayal

^ The drops I feel, that they are raindrops.. probably, tapping at your window, and damping your love letters.. that's how I saw it. I like the parallelism in adjectives, it kind maintains stability in pace, though one suggestion, do you mean 'to the suffer...' ? -- because 'suffercation' is not a word, i think.

Our memories on the wall surrounds me,
feeling claustrophobic im a prisoner of these still images
That traumatize my fragile mind day after day ,
i still feel you as close as the cold breeze
on the back of my neck ,Looking at the past
we shared together i remember the first time
i saw the sun come up in your eyes ,
it was the first time we took off our purity rings
this image will be forever haunt my shattered heart

^ In the last line, it is 'this image will forever haunt..'

- I like this stanza, as it seems to me the crux of emotions all through. It sounds between fragility and assurance. Great pouring of organic feelings..

Yesterday can not be erased
but hopfully tomorrow
can still be written.

^ I love this stanza the most. I think it sounds typical, but I was enticed to this a lot. The comparison is just soothing...

lovely write, Tony :)

Lioness ( F P C D ) at 2012-02-23

Oh this poem is full of heartbreak and deep emotions. I love the sincerity in everything written.

Though this poem saddens me I do feel that the ending has a little hope which I think is wonderful!!!

Awesome, awesome write!!!
x

believeinlove87 ( F P C D ) at 2012-02-23

This made me think about my ex. The memories constantly replaying in your mind, hurting from the way it attacks you so suddenly.

Wow Tony..
Love this. Such a deep truly sad love poem. Hoping that despite being hurt and betrayed you are still able to write tomorrow. Even if the paper has drops of deepest emotion.

Def one of my favorites.
5/5

Adreamer ( F P C D ) at 2012-02-24

Wow, what can I say about this piece that hasnt already been said? Besides it is far too fantastic for words to describe. Anyway, excellent job, I hope to go back and read more of your work soon.

Imperfectly Writing On The Walls ( F P C D ) at 2012-02-24

Wow... the images played out so beautifully; it fit each stanza so perfectly. Great job; amazing choices of wording.

5/5

-Heather

Rihanna ( F P C D ) at 2012-02-24

I love this poem full of sadness

You wrote it really well... Love it

5/5 for sure darl x

ronel mccarthy ( C D ) at 2012-02-24

Depth with great imagery. Brilliant :)

Liliana ( F C D ) at 2012-02-24

Wow did you know this is the most beautiful poem you own, the imagery and words are so perfect, I cant wait to read more poems like this

DirtRoadGirl ( F P C ) at 2012-02-24

Another amazing write.. Very easy to relate to and alot of emotion is put into it. I love the last few lines!! Amazing :) 5/5

Megan ( F D ) at 2012-02-24

Omg i really really love this. its absoulty amazing.

PinkyPrincess ( F P C D ) at 2012-02-24

Aww, this poem was really sad and heartbreaking.. I think many people can relate to losing someone special and not being able to forget about the past.

Great job with this poem

Hannah Lizette ( F P C D ) at 2012-06-15

I am IN LOVE with this.
You have no idea how much I can relate to every single word... Wow.

Amazing write! 5/5

Infinite Catastrophe aka Alisha ( F P C D ) at 2012-06-16

Love love love this!!! 5/5

LoneSome Dove ( F P C D ) at 2012-06-16

This was a terrifi piem. You held much emotion and it made it all the better!!!

Kitty Kurse ( F P C D ) at 2012-06-18

Absoulty amazing, its really sad and I loved it. I can really relate to this, I've been through these emotions before. Such emotion and its almost like i can read inbetween the lines.

Baby Rainbow ( F P C D ) at 2012-08-09

Drops of the deepest emotion falls
from the window to my broken soul,
each drop stains the crinkled love letter
written from your deceiving heart, every word
like a blade tearing through my skin destroying
my protective shell, leaving my heart vulnerable
to the suffocation of your betrayal

- wow, such a powerful start to the poem and gives the reader the exact emotion you are feeling and in such a strong way. The way you mention the blade cutting through your skin just shows how much pain you feel.
I also like the way you crinkled the love letter, implying that you have done this many a times before.

Our memories on the wall surrounds me,
feeling claustrophobic im a prisoner of these still images
That traumatize my fragile mind day after day ,
i still feel you as close as the cold breeze
on the back of my neck ,Looking at the past
we shared together i remember the first time
i saw the sun come up in your eyes ,
it was the first time we took off our purity rings
this image will forever haunt my shattered heart

- adored the idea of feeling claustrophibic because of all the memories around you, great idea and works really well. I get a sense of sadness in this part because you relate to earlier memories which sound peaceful and happy and so romantic when you mentionw atching the sun rising in their eyes. Beautiful.

Yesterday can not be erased
but hopefully tomorrow
can still be written.

- great ending, not just for the poem but also as a quote on its own. We do not know what the future holds and we can only hope for what we want and work towards it.

Great job.

Rusheena ( F P C D ) at 2013-03-21

Simple and candid. Very nice, Tony!