Comments - Our first dance

Mr Darcy ( F P C D ) at 2016-08-14

Hello,

This is such a sweet telling of a tender moment. It's amazing how in a crowded room two people can feel exclusively alone; all external stimulus muted as love focuses it's magic.

You may have a couple of typos? The word 'breathe' mat need the 'e' removing to make 'breath'

Great work.

Take care,

Michael

Sir Lancelot ( F P C D ) at 2016-08-14

As Mr Darcy points out, there are a couple of typos throughout this piece but that doesn't detract from the warmth and love you have managed to convey with this excellent write.

Well done,

SL

Em ( F P C D ) at 2016-09-05

This is such a beautiful telling story of intimacy. I could picture being the one dancing and sharing that precious moment.

I do feel that the extra ',' need deleting as they are a bit off putting to a wonderful, smooth flowing piece.
All the best. Em