Comments - Luring Paradise

Ben Pickard ( F P C D ) at 2016-10-06

Shane,

I guess even the most beautiful roses are still adorned with thorns, and one most always be wary of them. Beauty often is so beguiling, we are completely fooled by the inherent ugliness...

All I may suggest is that you change 'should've' to 'should have' - more poetic somehow. (just my opinion, though)

Great write,

Ben

Shane at 2016-10-06

Hi Ben.

Will take note of that for sure. I'm sometimes lazy when writing haha.

There are so much beauty in this world but are really treacherous, and indeed roses are one of them. We need to be cautious on how we pick them, for us to not bleed.

Thank you Ben for reading this.

xxx

Naughtymouse ( F P C D ) at 2016-10-06

Impressive write fella, this is the first it me I've read something from you, i'll make sure to come back!

Shane at 2016-10-06

Hi Naughtymouse,

thank you for spending time reading my poem. much appreciated.

xxx

Em ( F P C D ) at 2016-10-13

I really enjoyed this piece. It's elegant and beautiful executed but my fave part was-

But behind what you see are cues that you're unable to.
Sometimes even in places so beautiful to stare at,
one must close his eyes to see the truth. To be reminded
that what is in front of you is not always what matter.
^^
Because it's so truthful that beauty is not everything.

Em

Shane at 2016-10-14

Thank you Em. Never thought of this as elegant since the experience behind this poem is really heartbreaking, but I'm happy that's how it comes to you <3. Appreciate it so much.

xxx