alwaysremeniceus ( P C D )
at 2005-12-23
Its really expressive, i can kind of relate to this too? i don't write too much poems but maybe it would be a little more consistent if you stuck with a number or lines per stanza or just left it all in one instead of alternating between 3 and 4 lines??
but like i said.. i don't write much x.x... its just an idea...
-kelsie
Jerry Scott
at 2005-12-23
Good work! There are a few formatting compatibility issues, but the emotion you express is excellent and comes across clearly.
Sherry Lynn ( F P C D )
at 2005-12-23
Kori:
Sorry babe, that comment was actually meant for another poem... Please forgive me.
As far as your poem I think that the rhyming scheme is good, and so is the flow.
I really like how you project the heartache and how you make the reader feel your pain. Amazing how a broken heart makes us want to die.
Good job displaying such powerful emotions.
--Sher
Please, forgive me...
Sammie ( F P C D )
at 2005-12-23
... this poem was very emotional and i really liked it... the olnly thing is that try to make things flow a little more... one minute your rhyming then the next your not then you are... pick one and stick with it... other than that good work keep it up!
sammie
Jay27 ( F C D )
at 2005-12-23
I've had my share of tragedy in my life so far also, I can't relate specifically to what you are writing about here, but i understand sadness for sure.
I've learned that tomorrow is an amazing concept. Nothing stays the same in life and time does heal. I hope its already working on healing you. Best of luck.
I'd like to say I enjoyed this, but I really don't enjoy seeing people sad like this. I hope 2006 is good for you.
Bill Turner ( F P C D )
at 2005-12-23
Beautifully written. My friend, don't hide your feelings. Live, laugh and love each day like it is your last....make the most of life, don't let life make you. You owe it to yourself....
David J Gossett ( F C D )
at 2005-12-24
Beautiful. i really like your abstract-ness.... yep i said it ABSTRACT-NESS!! lol
~David
lisa ( F P C D )
at 2005-12-24
Wow, excellent poem. um, the only way i can think to improve is working on your rythms(i forgot how to spell that stupid word.lol) other than that, excellent poem.
**lisa**
Jenn ( C D )
at 2005-12-24
Hey, Great poem i really enjoyed it, I have to read more of yours when I get a few extra minutes....keep them coming!!
Truest Lies ( F P C D )
at 2005-12-25
It was quite touching, I felt it could have used a little something, because in places it sounded empty..but perhaps that was the feeling that you intended, anyhow.
//Truest Lies//
Bob Shank ( F P C D )
at 2005-12-25
In a world full of people
I've isolated myself somehow
Maybe because I'm afraid
Of being hurt once again
^loved this stanza, and I can soooo relate, I hope that you never end up settling for less than you yourself are willing to give, it is far better to be alone than to be controlled, I love the way you express the pain and torment throughout your life, it helps keep the sanity, may you have a wonderful holiday and keep your chin abreast you have such a lovely smile for the world to see.....peace
ღPrEciiOuz~KiiZeZღ ( F P C D )
at 2005-12-25
Wow u are living your life regretting alot of stuff and i have to say that u have to end it...you can't live like that anymore..just givin u some of my advice...5/5 thoe...its an amazing poem..keep ya head up
sweetcherries09 ( F P C D )
at 2005-12-25
Great poem, add punctuation. Hope you don't really cry this much. If so what about?? sorry im nosey, but i cry a lot to and not many people understand why!
~~Sweetie
K i K i ( F P C D )
at 2005-12-26
I love your work. It's so different and full of meaning.
Take care xx
lisa marie ( F P C D )
at 2005-12-26
Awh this is so sad. i don't really see anything wrong with this poem. a job well done my friend.
And*You*May*Never*Know ( F P C )
at 2005-12-27
Hey i really liked this poem. i could relate to it alot. i read ur profile and i just wanted to say im sorry about what uve gone thru. ive been thru the same thing only with my dad. it takes courage to do wat u did. good job. keep writing!
~Krista~
La Boricua *BX Girl* ( F C D )
at 2005-12-27
This was deep. and i know how you feel on pushing people away cause i do the same. i hide my feelings as well, and thats something my parents hate about me, cause they could never tell if something is SERIOUSLY wrong with me until i do something about it myself. and i pretty much always screw up. ~sorry about this~
anyways, nicely writen. it very emotionaly touches my heart and i hope things turn for the better for you soon.
BX Girl
Tiffany ♥ ( F C D )
at 2005-12-27
Wow. Great poem! I can relate to it soo much. Excellent job. 5/5. Thanks for the comments by the way. And as for your comment about me changing the form of my poem into more than one stanza, I like to write in one stanza. I do realize that it can be hard to read, but I like it that way.. I can't explain why, haha. But thank you for the input hun.
Love you much,
Tiffany.xox.
~*ForbiddenEyes*~ ( F P C D )
at 2005-12-28
Hiding my feelings
Is what I do best
Never shall I be the first
To confess
*That relates to me alot. Great job
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