Comments - Forever's End

«¦[ sυρєяgιяł ღ ]¦» ( F P C D ) at 2006-07-27

Grandparents we became as we got old
[I think you should change 'got' to 'grew']

It was a cute poem lol. Made me smile and go awww! Taha. I liked the different rhyme scheme you used lol. It worked really well with the poem. The flow was flawless, and I just loved the poem, you really don't know how huge my smile on my face is right now. =D Taha. Loved it!! 5/5

Natalie``

P.S. You did get the poem right, in a way. It's more about it did happen, but I can't prove it. =)

Nelle ( F P C D ) at 2006-07-27

Well once again, It was a great great love poem...I'm guessing you are really in love, or you just have a great imagination..either way you portray your feelings very very well..i love all of your work..you're very talented! great job 5/5

Sarah Dowlly at 2006-07-27

I thought this was a great poem, full of feeling. You are very talented 5/5

-] ñØ òÑé [- ( F P ) at 2006-07-27

Awesome poem and I love the ending - flawless - 5/5

shobhana kumar ( F C D ) at 2006-07-27

Wow!! Darien, your words ring out loud and true. That's the way true love is meant to be, right: forever wrapped in a cocoon of love.

well done my friend.

peace
shobhana

¤• נєѕѕу •¤ ™ ( F P C D ) at 2006-07-27

Awwwwwwwwwwwww! darien, you are such a sweetie! this was an awesome poem and i couldnt keep the smile off of my face.. it flows so smoothly and easily.. the rhymes work perfectly and your choice of words was adorable..cuute poemm! 5/5

Samantha Hollywood ( F C D ) at 2006-07-27

Darien --
Wow! Very impressive! First of all, I have to say that the title of this poem was really catchy ;; I loved it! I also really enjoyed the way you rhymed, it was different, and made it more fun to read. It`s always good to keep the readers attention, and you did just that! The flow was amazing as well ;; everything fit perfectly! You did a wonderful job on this, thanks so much for posting on my thread!! 5/5

Love Much,
Samantha Hollywood

Bill Turner ( F P C D ) at 2006-07-27

Your poetry is amazing and this poem is incredible. Wow! You bring depth and emotion to your writing and I have seen your writing improve over the months, from good to great.

Kaylee ( F P C D ) at 2006-07-27

As always Darien you have a way to set the scene of people in love without having experience it as these two people in this poem have. I thought the rhymes were pretty good, nothing forced just perfect flow, and your word choice had some deepness to it.

Ed Henderson ( F P C D ) at 2006-07-27

You're a rare talent, Darien. I sat down to read this and thought "Oh, 3 lines of rhyme in pairs, this is going to get corny fast."

But you proved me wrong, although I am sure given a little more thought you could have avoided rhyming "toll" with "told", fella!

But this rolls along pleasantly and contains a warmth that is rare on this site. I rarely give out 5s unless I really mean it. but this is a surefire 5. Well done.

¦●→sammycakes←●¦ ( F P C D ) at 2006-07-27

Aww. That's so cute. I loved how you expressed your feelings through a poem for this particualr topic. I liked the fhyming, and the flow was good in places, but could use some work here and there. Good job! 5/5 =) xoxo

Samantha

Nate ( C D ) at 2006-07-28

Awesome poem Darien! I'm getting close to the last two paragraphs so your poem really hits home with me.
Nate aka "The Tie Guy"

David Velazquez ( F C D ) at 2006-07-28

This poem rushed me along to fast. I think it was great, but it should have been a 3 part(er.) One for the lovers, one for the married with kids, and one for the grandparents. I would have loved that. :)

The message was crystal clear.

I rated it 5/5 because of one thing... your rhyming scheme. I always look for originality. I loved it and will have to try it one day. aaabbb

The 3rd stanza gets jumbled up a bit, because the it seem to have broken off the aaabbb scheme.. the whole thing rhymes.
Well good luck and thanks for this refreshing poem.

David Velazquez

arunima gautam ( C ) at 2006-07-28

Very nice. i absolutely loved it. keep it up.

Kayla ( C D ) at 2006-07-28

Oh my that was a GREAT poem! You are a very talented writer! Keep it up.

xDarkSuicidex ( F P C D ) at 2006-07-29

The end was coming and nearly here
A few more hours until the New Year
And love could be sensed in the air.

This seemed to throw the rhyming a little bit, but it picked up by the end... Now, I have a lot to say about this poem but I won't. My boyfriend and I have never met, though, I'll tell you that, and he's coming this New Year's. When I started to read this my eyes went wide and I couldn't stop -- this is exactly what we plan for our future. Yes, I'm young, but love is found in many places. I loved this poem because it hit so close to my heart..

xDarkSuicidex 5.5

P.S. I'll be reading this to my boyfriend. ^.^

Noni*Wang ( F P C D ) at 2006-07-29

Interesting rhyming theme. As always, beautiful job and perfect flow. nice use of descriptions.

APoeticSoul ( F C D ) at 2006-07-29

You are a great writer, i hope i can be as good as you eventualy. The rhyming scheme was new to me, i've never tried it. I like love poems, they always make me smile and yours made me smile even more. great job.

Aussie ( F P C ) at 2006-07-29

That's so sweet and awesome. at the end dying dosen't seem that bad. even when ur dying together. very good job:)

Kisses all around(AnnMarie) ( F C D ) at 2006-07-29

Hmmmmm good write! It was a little original though! You know been there done that....... The flow was great and the structure was there, good job
-annmarie


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