Lance Hardy ( F P C )
at 2006-07-31
Who might this be about hmm?
HOLLY ARMER ( F P C D )
at 2006-07-31
My oh my...what an exquisite piece of poetry. You had me enraptured from the opening stanza, just wow!
Keep it up~Holly
¦●→sammycakes←●¦ ( F P C D )
at 2006-08-01
I liked this poem. It had short lines, but it was a good topic, and you seem to have a lot of passion for this person =) The flow was good, and I don't think rhyming was intentional again lol. Terrific write. Keep it up! =) xoxo 5/5
Samantha
~ Polly ~ ( F C D )
at 2006-08-02
I really like this poem. There seems to be so much emotion behind the lines, and I loved this bit:
"a small diamond of comfort
you can put in your heart"
It just seems so thoughtful and something I could never have come up with! lol... Well done and take care,
- Polly 5/5
anna stephens ( F P C D )
at 2006-08-02
What an absolutely magical piece. Loved it from beginning to end!!
anna stephens
Aken Sol ( F P C D )
at 2006-08-04
Okay, wow. This is touvhing. Not going to poke fun at it, it's just touching.
Aken Sol
sandra
at 2006-08-04
Hello!
That was the nicest read ive had in a while.
You should give that to the girl it was dedicated to.
Jordan Smith ( F )
at 2006-08-05
This is so good, I adore you for fellings this way for someone. My fiance just broke up with me, and I'd give anything to have him feel like you do. Please read and comment on mine
C Cattaway ( F P C )
at 2006-08-06
Wow..
"It's a gift, all I can give:
a small diamond of comfort
you can put in your heart
in exchange for the place
you have in mine."
I love this.. Hey, I love it all, but this part is amazing. Well done. xx
Butterfly* ( P C D )
at 2006-09-13
"You said to me
that maybe all the
feelings you felt
were a lie based
on the sweet words
that fell through the phone."
I absolutely love that verse.I love the way you've set it up, in kind of...kind of like incomplete sentences (?),but in a good way.
Ya, I really like it.
sibyllene ( F P C D )
at 2006-10-25
I don't know why i never commented on this - i know i read it earlier. i especially liked the first stanza, and the last five lines are both succinct and meaningful. i wish you wrote poems more often, so i could read them....
josephhotdog
at 2007-11-17
Too wordy, too nonspecific.
First stanza: What were her (or his) feelings? What was the lie? What were the sweet words? Call me cynical, but sweet words sounds like a euphemism for lies.
So then it becomes a question of who lies and who tells the truth and who feels what and when. It doesn't help that you then say "the things that I said will forever ring true." That in itself sounds like a lie.
Third stanza: wasted. We never even got the feeling that she cares about being diminished, so why would it matter that you do care?
Even forgetting about content, this poem simply isn't stylistically exciting. The tone doesn't convey anything urgent. Diction isn't remarkable and the ending merely falls flat.
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