MiNHღDEE ( F P C D )
at 2006-10-20
Lovely . This is sweet and sad .
I can relate to this, if I was still in my heartbreak .
But yeah, the emotions were expressed so well . Amazing .
Love how yu ended it, hun`.
..á¦__MiNDYY
silent eyes ( F C )
at 2006-10-31
I know how that is this poem made me feel better just the way you put the word together, what a beautiful poem ~silent eyes~
Tammi ( F P C D )
at 2006-12-06
Again man this is great and I feel your pain i wish I could write like you keep it up 5/5
::TheFireInMyEyes:: ( F C D )
at 2007-03-02
Aw, this is a really sweet poem. You expressed the emotion really well and the flow was wonderful. I don't want to seem picky or nothing lol but, I think it would look better if you capitalized your I's... Nonetheless, it's a wonderful read! 5/5
marcella
Britt! ( F C D )
at 2007-03-06
This poem is an amazing combination of both sad/romantic. I can't decide which. Haha. I really do like this..it got me wrapped up with every word. The flow was even, the rhymes worked..Except for the part with two lines in the middle of your poem. That completely threw it off for me, and I re-read it without the two lines; it was much better. Just a thought :)
You use "i" a lot, which can becoming boring to a reader. Maybe you should try writing a poem using the third person..thats very helpful for me when I don't want to use "i" all the time.
Again with the "i"'s I don't know if this is you preferation (is that even a word?) Haha..but you don't capitalize them. I was just wondering if there was a reason or did you just not want to?
Either way, the poem over all is pretty good..though it is somewhat on the longer side, it really kept my attention. Great work :)
Psst: Thats over 75 words :)
... ( F P C D )
at 2007-03-07
I really enjoyed this poem. The meaning is clear and obvious, but not glaringly obvious. You do have to delve into the words a bit to figure out just exactly what you're saying, and that makes this poem a great read.
The way you left out capitalization (I haven't read the rest of your poems, so I'm not sure if you always do this) makes the poem seem more like a plea, as well as the title. Again, I'm not sure if you meant it this way, but for me it definitely reads like that. It works really well like this, and catches the readers interest more intensely.
I'm not sure about the two lines in the middle. It does catch the reader off guard, if that's what you were going for, and it does have meaning, but it's very distracting and really throws off the rhythm. The rhyme in these two lines also seems quite forced, which throws off the beat. I would consider revising or deleting these two lines
All in all, though, this was a great poem. I would normally give it a four because of the two lines in the middle, but I can really relate to the meaning, so it gets a five. Great job!
i*do*still*love*him* ( F P C D )
at 2007-03-07
You are an amazing poet and this is another well-written poem from you, the flow is great and the rhyme scheme works well with this poem. âYour face is still etched in my head Iâm scared to let it go cause if I let you slip away I will be on my ownâ to me this is the strongest part of your poem this shows real, raw emotion, and the fact that you really truly cared for this person, in the case of a true story truly amazing.
And I can save you the counting with this and my name there are 105 words
nessa
Annabel ( C )
at 2007-03-07
This is an incredible poem. The words make what you're putting across so vivid. I love the "Your face is still etched in my head" line and the stanza about waiting by the phone. It's describes feelings in a way which everyone can understand. You put across the idea that what was going to happen was already decided at the beginning, I'm not sure if I believe in that but, I suppose it's a good thing to live by.
Anyway,
it was a great poem, I love it!
♥ღ♥~RaZaN~♥ღ♥ ( F C D )
at 2007-03-27
Awesome!
It's So Emotional .. So Sad .. & So Romantic ...
I really loved it ..
Keep up the wonderful work!
5/5 ...
Take Care,
~RoZe~
hassan kirmani ( F P C D )
at 2007-03-27
I know that even knowing that
i still will wait for you
i know i cannot bring you back
i never will succeed
there is no word in all the world
that would make you love me
awwwwwwwww.. the words realy relates to my story. i just do not know that how to express my feelings after readingyour poem. your poem realy touched my heart. that was such a nice cute and romanting. poems.. its the lasting love. and will never end. i think i must shoud add you in my favourites because i realy do no to miss you any new poem.
my friend take care. and remember me in your prays.
you have done excellent job on this poem. 5/5
best wishes
from hassan
Rhonda {xoxo} Elizabeth ( F P C D )
at 2007-03-27
Great emotions & flow & wording! i can totally relate to this poem! it is amazing!
Silver J ( F P C D )
at 2007-03-28
This was a typically sweet and touching love poem, I still say typically because I'm sure you're aware it's an overused subject.
Coming from someone who doesn't like rhyme, the rhyme was ok.
I didn't like the placing of the almost random couplet amongst a poem of quarterns.
Simple yet sweet language, I'm sure many on this site (if they haven't stated already) will enjoy this.
Mountain Dew ( F P C D )
at 2007-04-13
Wow this is an amazingg poem, the flow is amazing and it shows so much emotion, i love this poem and i can relate so much
breath-taking
brittany(MD)
Anonymous Angel ( F P C D )
at 2007-04-23
Hey,
amazing poem, i love the rhyming and the flow,5/5
kisses stephanie
amber ( F P C D )
at 2007-05-06
Its really good. maybe you could use correct punctuation and such...but otherwise it was good. keep it up
Ashleigh Skye ( F P C D )
at 2007-05-16
Wow this was amaizing. I'm not normally a big fan with all of the I's and You's in a poem but for some reason they seemed to fit perfectly in this poem. The flow was amazing and everything seemed to flow right off the tip of my tongue when I read it and I didnt have to re read anything at all to understand it. Normally I would pick a favorite line or verse but in this case the entire poem spoke to me so I would just end up writing the whole thing again and thats pointless. Well amazing job. Very original, and I loved the feeling of losing someone you care about when you still need to hold on.
♥shyann♥ ( F P C )
at 2007-05-21
Once again you've written an outstanding poem...very beautiful!! keep on writing...your doing great! 5/5
Jenni Marie ( F P C D )
at 2007-05-23
Oh, I LOVE this!
I found it to be a mixture of sweet and sad.
Imagery you painted was beautiful, it creates clear vivid pictures for the reader, flow was flawless throughout the entire poem and the emotion can clearly be felt behind the words.
The only thing I wasn't to sure on was the use of so many I's, but apart from that I adore this.
My favourite part was the ending, I thought it to be very sad, yet elegantly written, intense and hardhitting.
AngelitaFanne
at 2008-05-01
I loved this poem!! You have a great way of expressing your feelings, and such a great flow of speach! This poem was just speachless
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