Sean Allen ( F P C D )
at 2007-03-06
"It illuminates under the stars and moonlight"
You don't mean that it illuminates under the stars, that would mean that it shines its own light. Stars illuminate stuff, things don't illuminate under things. Well, not by your meaning. Use 'shines' or 'gleams' or 'shimmers' or whatever.
"A feast for the eyes, a sightful to see"
Sightful is an adjective, not a noun. Use 'sight'.
"Intoxicates me with their fragrance"
Intoxicate references 'flowers' which is plural, so use 'intoxicate' instead of 'intoxicates.'
"I feel time losing it's importance."
Its, not it's, there's no apostrophe since it isn't a contraction.
I think this is better than your last two poems, but still not great. Okay, the comparison in the last stanza between the girl and the garden, and which is more important was a nice touch, I'll give you that. However, a few things were sort of weak. "Or of your beauty that shines so true" beauty shining true is pretty cliche, and it wasn't used particularly interestingly in the poem.
Well, good imagery at least.
[ Praised by : Letty ]
*~A lost angel~* ( F P C D )
at 2007-04-27
I loved it. It is absolutly beautiful,...lol *poke*
Fire At Will
at 2007-04-29
This poem is beautiful! Clearly written from the heart.
Fire At Will
at 2007-04-29
This poem is beautiful! Clearly written from the heart.
BrokenREALiTy ( F P C D )
at 2007-05-24
A feast for the sights, a eyeful to see
`"An" eyeful to see (: Remember the rule in grammar .
But anyways, that was beautiful . Definitely different from most other poems . It`s a cliche topic, but you did it in a totally different way . Loved it . The choice of words just wrapped the poem in a cloth of velvet [:
..__MiNDYY
Che
at 2007-07-09
OMG that is such a good poem...so touching Ï„^Ï„
--che here btw
broker ( F P C D )
at 2007-10-24
You describe this garden so well...I can almost smell the flowers!
Very beautiful poem by you.
Keep writing,
5/5 Ingrid
cryNOmore
at 2007-10-27
I liked this. Very good. great expressions.
fire lilies ( F P C D )
at 2008-03-26
That is a sweet poem...i liked it a lot...the flow was great and i liked the format...it is not to long and it is not to short...it is just right...i loved the word that you used as well...5/5
xX the left behind Xx ( F C )
at 2008-12-17
Awesome poem..
and i liked the twist at the end..about u comparing the garden to the girl..and she being much better..
keep it up. :)
PassingAngel ( F P C )
at 2009-05-19
Very sweet :)
-PA
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