Krzysztof J ( F P C )
at 2007-05-14
"And everyone's pasts are full of mistakes;
Although mine depicts many more than most make"
i can soo totally relate to this :( this poem is perfect 5/5
Biscuit ( F P C D )
at 2007-05-14
Whats with the random capital letters???!
anyway... this is a well structured piece, the rhyming is good as well as it seems natural and not forced. Also the rhythm/ flow is nice and constant throughout, apart from the last stanza which is slightly longer and slower and stands out (in a good way).
In the third stanza i think that 'The greatness to whom I compete.' should be 'The greatness with whom I compete.' ??
Overall a very emotive poem which describes some common feelings which im sure a lot of people can relate to. good job!
kim xx
isabel ( F P C D )
at 2007-05-14
The poem is very nice...
i have 2 questions, though...
are the capital letters supposed to be that way?
the -- in the middle or at the beginning of some lines is supposed to be there?
i mean, it can be considered another way of expressing your message, but...i don't know...
it looks a bit strange...
the poem is very nice though...very well structured, good flow and very emotional...
but maybe you ought to change the appearance a little bit...
5/5 anyway
(the capital letters and -- can't make anyone downrate...=) )
keep going
*isabel*
Poetically Charmed ( F C )
at 2007-05-14
Simply amazing... loved the second to last stanza....so riviting and moving....
Teria ( F P C D )
at 2007-05-14
Loved it! Great emotion, and flow.
"everyone's pasts are "
^ Everyone's past is
Other than that, I didn't see any mistakes really. It sorta bugged me while reading that a lot of the words were capitalized, and others weren't. But, oh well. Lol.
You did a great job!
5/5
debbylyn ( F P C D )
at 2007-05-14
Nice rhythm and rhyme to this piece...very nice.....particularly the opening verse....All the best, Debbie
Startle Me ( F P C D )
at 2007-05-14
You liar.
Didn't find anything in there wrong.
No grammar, spelling, I'm only good at that.
Lol.
I hate cliches, and I have to make this up
So you'd find my comment to your liking.
Well, kind of made it up.
Lol.
In the first stanza
--Broken, and it's no surprise.
And kind of ruins the flow for me.
Take it out?
I would say this poem was cliched.
But then you explained your feelings so well.
When I read this...
I pictured a random guy from the street
Crying.
Saying
Don't leave me.
Heh heh.
I'm weird.
Cindy ( F P C D )
at 2007-05-14
What a great poem. Imagery is great as are the word choices.
You are too good for boys like me;
You'll always be a Fantasy.
The ones to See, But never Touch
-- What I Need and Want so Much
Thes lines really touched me.
Remember you are as good as anyone eles.
Keep your chin up and a smile on your face :)
Take care Cindy
JoshuaDalay-on ( F P C D )
at 2007-05-15
I really liked this stanza and to me, having 'I'm in the dark' in brackets was effective. This gave me a strong sense of rejection and I guess I can relate to that.
Here, you lock me --here, I'm bound--
Locked In chains, I Rocket Down
You walked away (I'm in the dark )
And Left me here to Sit and Rot
cheers, josh
Jenni Marie ( F P C D )
at 2007-05-16
Ohhh this was beautiful!
So elegantly written, and so much depth and emotion behind the words.
The opening was perfect, really pulled me in and from there on it just got better and better.
My favourite part was:
''Here, you lock me --here, I'm bound--
Locked In chains, I Rocket Down
You walked away (I'm in the dark )
And Left me here to Sit and Rot''
I thought it held a lot of power, and it really stood out.
I loved the ending, I thought it was very intense and such a great way to wrap up.
Flow was flawless throughout, imagery created vivid pictures and the rhyme scheme and word choice are enjoyable.
Beautiful!
Allanah ( F P C D )
at 2007-05-17
Wow!!! another awesome poem!!!! well, i must leave now, but i will come back and comment more later. PLEASE keep writing, i really enjoy reading your poems.
5/5
Allanah Rayne
TimidOutburst
at 2007-05-20
Wow...good piece. Your rhyme scheme changes a lot towards the end, and the last stanza's flow is off, but overall this piece was profound, and you are very talented.
Charisma*
true-loves-victim ( F C D )
at 2007-05-20
Awww. i really like how you expressed this.
Jesse
at 2007-05-20
Not good rhymeing
kolorful
at 2007-05-20
Nice poem, i really liked it..........i couldn't help but notice your track times-impressive. i run track, too
300m hurdles(52.08) =]
rozana
at 2007-05-21
I think this poem is awesome and dont ever feel that you not good enough for someone if they leave you it just wasnt meant to be if you had did things differently it still wouldnt have mattered so dont be hard on yourself if this poem is about you! 5/5 awesome
.:*Br!tt@ny*:. ( F )
at 2007-05-21
Wow... this is amazing...love it!!
nai
at 2007-05-21
Such a greatly written poem but also so sad.
Dont put yourself down so much (if it is about you)
everyone meets there their soul mate in the end.
well its a greatly written piece. 5/5
Wallace ( F P C D )
at 2007-05-21
Amazing poem, excellently written. Keep up the fantastic work. Check out some o my poems.
Best Wishes
Wallace
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