Comments - If You Are My Shooting Star

xxHe is mY LiFexx ( F C D ) at 2007-06-03

Wow!...stephen=)
Very beautiful write...excellently penned..Superb choice of words and i loved the usage of "Shooting star"..it had a great effect on the poem...Perfectly written!
Very lovely..I am just speechless..very well penned love poem!

5/5

xxPoojaxx

Empress Allanah ( F P C D ) at 2007-06-03

Another fantastic poem... and I'm glad you're back into writing. =) my favorite stanza was:

"If you are My Shooting Star
-- what will I do now that you're gone?
All my wishes won't be granted
cause there's nothing to wish on..."

it accentuated the fact that something was completely lost, and feeling is gone. I have poems like this (not posted, they suck!) and you are so good with emotions and words combined into a poem. I can really get into your poetry. please dont leave again!

5/5
Allanah

Michael D Nalley ( F P C D ) at 2007-06-03

I believe you have skillfully connected many astronomical and emotional metaphors to deliver a sentiment that is seemingly straight from the heart, though it has been done before I must rate the poem excellent in originality because you avoided cliché's
The poem also reflected a reality of how passion strikes quickly as an arrow or shooting star. A longing for a return to the magic produced by loves mystery. So to speak I enjoyed reading this.

Fire lilies ( F P C D ) at 2007-06-03

I really liked it. It was sad and sweet at the same time. It had a great flow and I loved the word choice. It's a great write. I gave it a 5/5.

Chris ( F P C D ) at 2007-06-04

I won't lie, when i first looked at it i didn't think it was gonna flow too well since a lot of your stanzas very in length. but you pulled it off. great flow, great imagery. everything. amazing. i loved the lines "-- What was once will never be,... nor will it be erased." great job!

JoshuaDalay-on ( F P C D ) at 2007-06-04

Although you used words or phrases which may seem overused, it still worked well. Everything flowed nicely and the emotions you used presented itself nicely. Thanks for a great read.
cheers, josh

NyellMoonlight ( F P C D ) at 2007-06-04

Beautiful poem, it has really good flow.
I like the rhyming, it's natural. I really enjoyed this one.
Ending is great.
5/5

SHoRTy ( F C ) at 2007-06-08

LONG BUT AT THE END I LIKED IT!!!!
WELL SEE WHAT U THINK OF MINE...COMMENT PLZ

moonlil ( F P C ) at 2007-06-09

Very touching and beautiful.

Cassedega at 2007-06-09

That was beautufil

SlaveToTheMusic ( F P C D ) at 2007-06-10

Stephen, The emotions portrayed in this poem were amazing, Purely strong and powerful which were capturing and heartfelt I loved the entire piece and found no fault what so ever. Strong word choice well done on such a beautiful poem~mel

flownah at 2007-06-10

OMG,.so one great poem..I can relate into it..waah,.tc

xMissTaylorx ( F ) at 2007-06-10

Wow. this was amazing. a lot of emotion put into this. you've got a talent. pllleaase keep writing!

Jess at 2007-06-11

That was amazing, I just don't know what else to say... it was great :D

scarlett at 2007-06-11

"You make a wish, hope it comes true.
I always wait, but
They
Never
Do."

i'm not quite sure why but this was my favorite part of the whole poem. The poem itself made me think a lot. It's a great poem. Well done.

5/5
Scarlett

Jonda Beth ( F P C D ) at 2007-06-18

Stop it...they are all so good i can't stand it..(no don't stop...lol)...i love how you are using metaphorical ideas...it makes it worth reading and thinking about...yay...good work
Jonda Beth
(again)

Sabree at 2007-06-25

Ahhh...much more to my delight! This is an astounding poem although there were a few things that i would like to comment on to help you with your journey through literature.

1. Keep the message strong, sometimes i tend to lose what the poem is about.
2. Keep your words flowing, they do not need to rhyme but give them some sense of rhythm so that someone can easily go through them without growing bored
3. Let the emotion fill the poem, do not die off ANYWHERE in it

Now that i have left my critique on the things you could improve on, i shall now tell you some things that i deeply enjoyed about your poetry.

1. Your subject was very clear, it is obvious what the person has done to you and how it affected you
2. Your grammar was astounding as always (almost)
3. You leave your reader not feeling sorry for you, nor feeling sad. You leave them with a sense that they know more about life now. That is a rare trait that i hightly adore about you.

Your poetry is amazing and i wish for you to keep working and going far. This is an excellent poem. I shall give you a 5/5 once again.

-Sabree

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