Simply Josh ( F P C D )
at 2007-09-07
Well done on reaching 900 poems. This was an awesome poem. I love the concept of the vows being already signed and that it couldn't be broken. Great job.
cheers, josh
LivinG LikE ThE DeaD ( F P C D )
at 2007-09-08
Aw, thats incredibly cute. i loved it from the first stanza to the last. the flow was perfect and the words picked , fit so well. LOved the last stanza, it put it all together so well. keep writing and congratz on the 900th poem!!
NyellMoonlight ( F P C D )
at 2007-09-08
Well, I liked it, but it seem that you repeated words "shall" and "love" too many times, which ruined the flow of the poem in some places. I think that you should reconsider rewriting some stanzas, because some stanzas are better than the others. I don't want to offend you, that's just my opinion, but I honestly suggest you to replace some of those words.
All in all, poem is very good, it holds a lot of emotions and it has great choice of words. Some stanzas are very unique and excellent, like, for example:
-This vow is inked in gold on parchment
that shall never burn nor tear.
All the future holds is us;
We've searched so long, we're almost there.-
and
-Thine eyes burst clouds of white and blue;
a passion which I never knew.
I dreamt of all; I found you, love,
and dreams I never had dreamed of.-
The ending is great and very effective, whole last stanza is superb conclusion for the whole piece.
5/5 from me
Keep writing, and congratulations on your 900th poem :)
DarkSpirit ( F C D )
at 2007-09-08
First of all congrats on your 900 poem, that is really impressing!
This poem looks little forced, I must say. This is just my opinion, but it doesn't really seems that you put your self in to this piece. I think, it holds a lot emotions but you have many mistakes. You used same words too many times and that really leaves bad impression. It has some great and effective lines but others aren't really good. Sorry but I think that you could write this one a lot better. I won't rate it but it doesn't really deserves 5/5. It is far from bad, it is good poem but for your 900 piece it must be better. Once again this is just my opinion.
Crystal Gaze ( F P C D )
at 2007-09-08
Congratulation Steven! 900 Thats Awesome!
First of all.. Your poem's are always overwhelming for me, Your talent is so immense my small mind can't comprehend. However I love reading them, there just so good:)
'Thine eyes burst clouds of white and blue;
a passion which I never knew.
I dreamt of all; I found you, love,
and dreams I never had dreamed of.'
^ This was an excellent way too start, it really captured my attention.
'A dream we live, a dream we'll be;
forever we'll live peacefully.
A simple existence twined softly and purely;
Eternally blissful. Eternity: Surely.'
^This stanza was so sweet and full of love, the word's penned perfectly.
'And even buried in the ground,
we'll be the love that did surround;
It will not wither, ne'er shall die;
this love I shall not jeopardize.'
^This stanza brought tear's to my eye's, so faithful, and to love someone so much, so rare. You portrayed in touchingly.
I also liked the last three stanza's.
All beautiful, all touching, all filled with love.
I love how you ended this.
You did and amazing job,
and as I knew I would I loved your 900th
poem.
Keep writting,
5/5 Elaine.
ddavidd ( F P C D )
at 2007-09-11
Excellent
Very beautiful array of vocabularies and beautiful feelings! Nice to be back my unidentifiable friend1
It seems that you really talk from the heart; I realize this before I was kicked out few month then.
Sarah Overpeck
at 2007-10-11
I really like this!!!!!
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