Comments - I've Just Got To Let You Go

FallingDown200 at 2008-11-28

Nice poem, good flow, keep it up

His Angel ( F P C D ) at 2008-11-28

I liked this poem the wording and flow were great. I gave it a 5/5. Keep up the great work.

Composed Catastrophe ( F P C D ) at 2008-11-28

I close my eyes
And dream about
The way we used to be .
You caressing ;
And me confessing
Just what you mean to me .
^^great way to start it off ! passionate and emotional

Your gorgeous smile
And light blue eyes ;
Your soft touch upon my skin .
My body's shaking ,
You're so breath-taking ;
By far my sweetest sin .
^^ah the art of seduction! i love the imagery here i could picture the guys face very helpful for the reader

Your silly laughter
And heart-felt kisses ;
They both just drive me wild .
My heart's been healing ,
You've got me feeling
Defenseless like a child .
^^ i love the innocence that is implied in the last line because of it being like a child its so cute the hold you say he has on you

But mistakes are made
And my eyes are opened ;
Only to find you gone .
The tears are faught ,
And my heart is taught
Once again that it was wrong .
^^oh boy...thats not a good twist : / im sorry ! that just makes the rest of it make it seem like it hurts more and makes the emotion have more fire to it

Those eyes and smile ,
Are now so awkward ;
Strangers I no longer know .
I'm slowly learning ,
That you're not returning ...
I've just got to let you go .
^^that sounds like it really hurt you did a gret job of expressing your pain I love that you used the title as the last line it pulls the poem together
great wording and flow! i loved it i hope it worked out !
5/5

[ Praised by Ex-Member | Approved by Italian Stallion ]

Heartbroken And Outspoken ( F C D ) at 2008-11-28

Wow. that was absolutly perfect!!! there is nothing you can change to make it better. 100/5 that was amazing. ~KM~

Cyber Saiyan ( F C D ) at 2008-11-28

I close my eyes
And dream about
The way we used to be .
You caressing ;
And me confessing
Just what you mean to me .

** I love the first stanza, it is well worded and flowed well. The only advice I have it to remove the word AND from the fourth line. It would flow better seeing that the previous line would have the same amount of symbols.


Your gorgeous smile
And light blue eyes ;
Your soft touch upon my skin .
My body's shaking ,
You're so breath-taking ;
By far my sweetest sin .

** Another GREAT stanza. The rhyme scheme is clever as well. It is almost lymricial, but its not. It gets me in the mood for a poem that will be honest but somewhat silly or child like. Because you are not too in depth with the words used; it fits the poem very well.

Your silly laughter
And heart-felt kisses ;
They both just drive me wild .
My heart's been healing ,
You've got me feeling
Defenseless like a child .

** Nothing to say here; its still great.

But mistakes are made
And my eyes are opened ;
Only to find you gone .
The tears are faught ,
And my heart is taught
Once again that it was wrong .

** The greatness continues. One typo to mention though: change FAUGHT to FOUGHT. The only other thing I would say here is to let the reader know what IT is. "Once again that IT was wrong". I am not sure whether you are speaking of cheating on someone, or if you are scared to let yourself love someone. This feeling kind of adds to the suspense, though.

Those eyes and smile ,
Are now so awkward ;
Strangers I no longer know .
I'm slowly learning ,
That you're not returning ...
I've just got to let you go .

** I really loved this poem. The ending was great as well. I loved how you switched the mood of the poem quickly.

** I like how you punctuated the lines, as it helps explain the rhyme scheme. This is a very subtle way to aid readers without them actually knowing it; very clever. I am not sure why the punctuation was spaced out so far from the end of the sentence, but I assume that it is that way to be more visible.

** AWESOME POEM. I added it to my favorites.

[ Praised by Ex-Member | Approved by Italian Stallion ]

Your Best Nightmare ( F P C D ) at 2008-11-28

Wow i didn't know what i was going into when i agreed to read this poem but now that i read it .....it scared me how much this one meant to me.....i have am in the process of having top let someone that i love ....i have to let him go ...its really hard to let someone go when they were so close to your heart.
5/5
i loved this poem

FallingAngel ( F D ) at 2008-11-28

Amazing job, it flowed very nicely and it was easy to relate to. Excellent poem, keep up the good work. 5/5

DarkCrystalbtrfy ( F P C D ) at 2008-11-28

Amazing! I love your word choice and your imadgry. I could defenatly get a clear picture of what you were talking about through out the entire poem. Your rhyme scheme also dosent waver from the original context and you dont change what you are talking about. Witch is nice because you alaways want to focus as much attention as possible on your main point.

My favorite lines are:
But mistakes are made
And my eyes are opened

You have so much emotion packed into these two lines.

Well Written
Darkcrystalbtrfy

Kayl ( P C ) at 2008-11-28

Its really emotional and i really like it

Katie ( F C D ) at 2008-11-29

This is such a great piece of literature. I love the last stanza! It all just flows very well.

i want 2 live in a fairytale ( F C ) at 2008-11-29

You caressing ;
And me confessing
i luv this part it just shows how spontaneous u r in love and u just tend 2 give and give


And my eyes are opened ;
Only to find you gone
and this part shows how we make ourselves blind in luv and we onli open our eyes when ther rnt there anymore


well hun u r sooo talented and u have 2 keep goin

5/5
lili

Cara ( F P C ) at 2008-11-29

Wow. This poem had a nice twist, first off, you are talking about the great things of love, how you see him, how perfect you think he is and then boom.. no more.

your ending was fantastic.

Those eyes and smile ,
Are now so awkward ;
Strangers I no longer know .
I'm slowly learning ,
That you're not returning ...
I've just got to let you go

^^ such power in your words, it sounds like you really are ready to let him go, but your heart is still holding on.

Overall, it was magnificent. Flawless piece.

5/5

Forever His Love aka Temps ( F P C D ) at 2008-11-29

The overall flow was great, some places I thought that it wasnt as strong as other places but overall you did a great job with keeping it smooth and nice. Secondly, your vocabulary was simple.. yet I thought simple words was the way to go with a poem like this. annd Lastly, the last stanza says it all... he's not returning, so you have no other choice but to try and let go of them.. because they'll never be back, youll never have them back in your life, ect.

Flawless!
5/5

H E Losey ( F P C D ) at 2008-11-29

Very nice write! The metre/rhythm flows well mostly and the rhymes do not seem forced.
I would suggest checking the second and fourth verses to see if the metre/rhythm could be improved(just like one syllable off), though they can stand as they are...
Change "upon" to "on" in second, in fourth you could drop "That" and add a comma. Just thoughts and opinions that may help.

Crystal Rose ( F P C ) at 2008-11-29

Your flow was excellent, a nice and easy read. Nothing forced, just natural rhyme. Very well done and it's made me want to read more of your work.

xToBeWithYoux ( F P C D ) at 2008-11-29

Wow, a really nice poem. It flows beautifully and has no forced rhymes whatsoever. It has a lovely theme to it, sad but written in a very tasteful way. On with the poem...:

I close my eyes
And dream about
The way we used to be .
You caressing ;
And me confessing
Just what you mean to me .

^^ This is beautiful, and I like the semi colons being used instead of the normal boring commas. A good use of emjambment too, and it captivates the reader, leaving them wanting more. Love it :)

Your gorgeous smile
And light blue eyes ;
Your soft touch upon my skin .
My body's shaking ,
You're so breath-taking ;
By far my sweetest sin .

^^ Ahhhhh how everyone wishes for someone like this. I like the way that the features are listed, and that you don't have to explain that they are amazing etc. I'm loving the last line, a very good oxymoron, and also it gives an idea of what is actually happening..... ;)

Your silly laughter
And heart-felt kisses ;
They both just drive me wild .
My heart's been healing ,
You've got me feeling
Defenseless like a child .

^^ Another amazing stanza. This stanza has got the best rhythm and flow, but it isn't that different from the others...hmmmm. Anyway, a nice similie too :D

But mistakes are made
And my eyes are opened ;
Only to find you gone .
The tears are faught ,
And my heart is taught
Once again that it was wrong .

^^ I love the very sudden change, the sadness is exposed but very subtly, it is not over emphasised like many poets do. But this is beautiful again, and I like the hidden hint at this 'awakening' being a reoccurance.

Those eyes and smile ,
Are now so awkward ;
Strangers I no longer know .
I'm slowly learning ,
That you're not returning ...
I've just got to let you go .

^^ And this is an amazing ending to such a lovely poem. This is sad, but it is very image generating, and I love the '...' before the last line (I can't remember their proper name :s).
I love that you have ended with the title, like in some of your other poems.

Overall, a very nice read. I have no changes or constructive criticism for it either, so I hope you're not dissapointed. Another fantstic read from you. 5/5 and a favourite XD

Keep writing,
Em :)

[ Praised by Ex-Member | Approved by Italian Stallion ]

Dark Savior ( F P C D ) at 2008-11-29

This is your best piece to date. I enjoyed it, there was a most interesting concept to the rythme.

I felt that it was a little cliche at parts, but honestly it didn't effect it too much. You stretched some syllables tried to make them fit in the verse at times, but those are just me nitpicking.

I can honestly say that this sounds like a song you would hear on the radio or even a piece that I've seen in a book. This is a very amazing piece and you should be very proud of it.

There is one thing, your grammar. You always put a space after the specific grammar mark, so for example . and then again , if you were doing this.

Other than that, nothing is wrong with it, perfect piece.

5/5

also added to my favorites.

Shinobi ( F P C D ) at 2008-11-30

The repetance of the structure here is what makes this poem so unique.
Every stanza starts with a small description about this person, then you used four lines with rhyming scheme of abba.
I can tell that you gave this poem a lot of thought.
The vocabulary level you used here is not high, therefore highly relatable.

The metaphores and imagary scenes here were easy to see, and even easier to feel.

An excellent poem 5/5

CHYNAdoll ( D ) at 2008-12-01

"Your silly laughter
And heart-felt kisses ;
They both just drive me wild .
My heart's been healing ,
You've got me feeling
Defenseless like a child ."

^I like this stanza, especially the last lines because I feel a lot of people can relate to that, and it's good to connect with the readers on that sort of personal level.

"But mistakes are made
And my eyes are opened ;
Only to find you gone .
The tears are faught ,
And my heart is taught
Once again that it was wrong ."

^I liked the wording of this, and the personification of the heart and how it was wrong, and this wasn't the first time.

"Those eyes and smile ,
Are now so awkward ;
Strangers I no longer know .
I'm slowly learning ,
That you're not returning ...
I've just got to let you go ."

^Such sad lines, but so true to many of us. I thought the description of the eyes and smile as awkward.

My favorite part of this whole piece was the structure and rhyme scheme. Once I read the first stanza I was excited to read further. It wasn't boring at all. :)

CHYNAdoll ( D ) at 2008-12-01

I meant to say,

"I LIKED the description of the eyes and smile as awkward."

Sorry. ;)


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