Comments - Together as One

Hebe ( F P C ) at 2007-07-02

Such a sweet poem.
Beautiful written, great vocabulary.

My favourite lines:
"More than a thousand laughs
Wouldn't show how happy you make me."

"Forever our hearts will beat together as one."

I enjoyed reading it
Well done
Ps. thanks for commenting my poem.

Bryan ( F P C D ) at 2007-07-02

Dont know, good poem, pretty long though, took me awhile to read, but its a 5/5!!! keep them coming!!!

robin milford ( F P C D ) at 2007-07-02

Beautiful poem

livin in a lonely hell ( F P C D ) at 2007-07-02

Very well written so much emotion was felt in this poem and ut was very honset and true this is an osm write
laura

Marc Ortiz ( F P C D ) at 2007-07-02

There you go Britt :) Sorry about that I forgot where I got the 1st line :) I added your name in the bottom of the poem xD

Marian ( F P C D ) at 2007-07-02

I in no way to offend, but I particularly am not keen with your frequent use of I's and variations of tenses in this poem of yours. Certain dialogues were left with no quotation marks as well, and the plot progression wasn't thought-out well. I even sensed the need for more coherent details. Perhaps that's just me, though... Other than those nitpicky details, I'd still give you my props for attempting and exerting a fine effort with this material. Keep on writing what you feel and like. all the best and take care. ~Marian

SlaveToTheMusic ( F P C D ) at 2007-07-02

This was a fine work although I do agree with miss debbers above about the constant use of "I" throughout this piece. I did enjoy the feelings portrayed behind this poem andthe meaning was great. Well done none the less on writing a greatly written piece.~mel

Gasttlee ( F P C D ) at 2007-07-03

Sweet! 5/5

BrokenREALiTy ( F P C D ) at 2007-07-03

You use I a lot in the poem . It's getting annoying, and I like you as a poet ! And the ending kind of made my smile drop . There were beautifully illuminating parts in this poem, portraying a gorgeous emotion within it .

Her lips has touch mines, oh how sweet they are.
`That doesn't make sense . Do you mean, Her lips have touched mine ? Or something close ?

Nonetheless, another nicely written piece .
..__MiNDYY

Stephanie Naylor ( F P C D ) at 2007-07-04

I thought it was a very sweet poem and it was nicely written, and the content and vocabularaly made it an even better read. I just loved it, 5/5

Ambar at 2007-07-05

Excellent poem!! great use of vacabularly----neatly written =) definately 5/5

2Beezie4U ( F P C D ) at 2007-07-05

Awww beautiful poem!!!

Sweet Fragility ( F C D ) at 2007-07-05

Love the voc, soo sweet!
except i was so shocked with the ending.. it like, "wait, thats how it ends?" but still great job
my fave lines were:

And there right in front of her a piece of paper.
"My heart will always and forever belong to you"

xkelsiex ( F C ) at 2007-07-05

This is such a sweet poem.Nicely written.I absolutely loved it.

Mo ( F P C D ) at 2007-07-06

This was a lovely poem - very sad in the end but a beautiful poem of intense love. Good work!
I like it how its so simple - no rhyming scheme or anything to distract or take away from the heartfelt words you're using.

Mo

forever in love ( F P C D ) at 2007-07-06

Hey, the last stanza of your heart realy touched my heart. it was such a good style of writing. i loved the wya you have expressed. you realy know what is the meaning of true love.
i realy approcoate of your work

and i will give you 5/5
take care

disturbed one ( F P C D ) at 2007-07-06

Ooh nice poem

my favorite part was:

Her lips have touched mine, oh how sweet they are.
Suddenly I cough.. And red blood sprayed in the place.
I said.. Sorry I didn't tell you before..

It was my death wish to see your smile

good job keep it up =D

5/5

CEE CEE ( P C D ) at 2007-07-08

Wow i love this poem its reall sweet i hope someone feels that way about me i love when u say "More than a thousand laughs
Wouldn't show how happy you make me" i feel the same way about my boyfriend but i love ya poem

Fsams ( F P C D ) at 2007-07-08

Wow very beautiful and catching. The lines are great and very descriptive. It had all poetic qualities in it. Great 5/5 for sure. tc

Jenni Marie ( F P C D ) at 2007-07-09

This is beautiful...
Right from the first stanza I was completely hooked, and the imagery you portrayed in this blew me away...it created very vivid pictures in my mind.
What I thought most remarkable, was that even though you chose not to rhyme this piece, was that the flow was flawless throughout.

I loved the depth and emotion that were easily sensed behind the written words, and the ending is both beautiful and stunning.

A most elegantly written and beautiful piece.


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