Comments - Your Everything

Rachel ( F P C D ) at 2008-11-06

Aww this is so cute! I loved:

I can be the girl ,
That you just can't get off your mind .
And I can be the perfection ,
That you've searched so long to find .
Very well written and creative. I'd love it if you read/voted/comented on my new poems "eyes stitched shut" and "you can see it in his eyes" Thanks
Rachel

HisBbyLove ( F P C D ) at 2008-11-07

5/5.. this is so sweet & adorable!!

xJenni Mariex ( F P C D ) at 2008-11-07

"I can be the stars ,
That light up your night sky .
And I can be your shoulder ,
If ever you need to cry "

^^ What a beautiful opening..I love the imagery you place into these lines.

"I can be your words ,
If ever you cannot speak .
And I can be your eyes ,
If the truth you ever seek ."

^^ My favourite stanza in the piece. I'm not sure why...just that this stanza holds so much depth and emotion for me...truly beautiful.

"I can be your conscience ;
That whisper in your ear .
And I can be the ONE ,
The one that you hold dear .

I can be the laughter ,
That puts the smile on your face .
And I can be the beauty
That makes your heart beat race ."

I don't like the caps. I know it's to emphazise the point of being "the one" but it seems to take away the meaning for me.

"Boy , I can be your anything ;
And to you I'll always tend .
I want to be your everything ,
But never just your friend . "

^^I love this closing...so many people can relate to this, the need to be someone's everything and not just their friend..beautiful closing here, something that stays with the reader.

I noticed alot of fillers in this (I, but, you, and etc) which I didn't like as I thought it threw the flow of in places, and you don't really need them.

But apart from that, again I like this.

mRs SuNsHiiNe ( F P C D ) at 2008-11-12

Aw, now this poem, I'm going to add to my favs' list. It's a really beautiful poem. I loved the feeling in it. I loved the flow and feeling in it. Good job.

.:CiiNDY:.

DarkCrystalbtrfy ( F P C D ) at 2008-11-13

Nice rhyme scheme. While reading your pome I had a clear picture of what you ment. The images that you put into this seemed well thought out. my favorite stanza would have to be the last. I love how you say youll never be his friend. It put a bit of humor into a love poem. It also seemed a bit sad at the ending though as if the character wasent sure of how the other would react to it.
Well written

Heartbroken And Outspoken ( F C D ) at 2008-11-23

Amazing. like omg wow. love the repeatition. amazing poem, great rhyming, easy flow and an easy to relate to topic. all the making of a great poem. love the last stanza. ~KM~

Crazy ( F P C D ) at 2008-11-23

This piece is....I don't know the words....may be PERFECT....it describes all that a girl can feel when she's in love, but, she doesn't know if the guy loves her bac, so she tells him that she can be everything, but just a friend, because she loves him that much...
Great work.
The rhyme flows very beautifully.
Keep it up, you're doing great work and putting your feelings very well.
Carlaxoxo

Austin ( F C D ) at 2008-11-24

I enjoy this for a very unique reason. It really is poetry becoming modern. No cliche words like 'thou' and 'tis'.

Rather very simple words, like the first word in, one of the last stanzas, not sure which, "boy".

I like this, very well written, not many flaws. The only thing I could criticize is a word choice.

"I can be the girl ,
That you just can't get off your mind .
And I can be the perfection ,
That you've searched so long to find ."


I would take out the word 'just' in the third stanza, it just sounds unnecessary and throws off the rhythm some. Oh, and this is just my personal preference, but it really bothered me that you put spaces between your words and your commas/periods. haha I know I'm picky, sorry.

It was a good poem though. I really enjoyed it. keep up the good work.

XxlilxTaliNahxX ( C D ) at 2008-11-24

This was a very well written poem. everything flowed together. I really really enjoyed it!

Crystal Gaze ( F P C D ) at 2008-11-24

Excellntly Written.
The vocab was simple yet so deep and meaningful...the contrast was lovely.
I really enjoyed this read.

5/5 -Paula

Maddy FaNtAsY ( F P ) at 2008-11-24

Wowww. left me speechless. amazing poem!! so relatable as well. you did a wonderful job saying things that most tend to say in long paragraphs, and you made it clean, to the point, and yet still breath taking.

Becca ( F C ) at 2008-11-24

That was beautiful. it really hit home for me. you clearly know what your doing here

Teen Prodigy Inc ( F P C D ) at 2008-11-24

Yet another amazing peice i have fallen too. Your beginning to get a regular fan.

Keep up the good work
xoxo

xSilencexIsxDeadlyx ( F P C ) at 2008-11-24

I REALLY REALLY REALLY liked this one!!! That's so sweet. =] AHHHMAZING =]

FallingDown200 at 2008-11-27

I understand how you feel, great poem, nice flow, keep it up

Cara ( F P C ) at 2008-11-29

Wow this was amazing.
The need to be with a certain person, sometimes takes over us, and we dont see that they are actually using us. We will do anything to get their love, but really they arent interested.
i just hope its not this way for you.
it was a fantastic poem, great flow and rhythm i thought. nice use of rhyme.
the ending was very good, because it was the first time you actually mentioned being more than friends. Your whole poem kind of led into that, and then you finished it off perfectly.

5/5
awesome poem.

DreamingOutLoud ( F C ) at 2008-11-29

Very creative, love the ending.

Lang Lang at 2008-12-02

Best. Poem. Ever.
And I mean it truthfully.
I've never written/read something that was so beautiful and touching ever before.
In case you didn't figure it out: 5/5

simplyfrigid ( F P C D ) at 2008-12-04

I absolutely love this poem. ONE THING, though. I say this so much and I get that people think punctuation is either a needed thing or un-needed thing. But, with poetry it's not like that. When you read a poem (correctly) you're supposed to stop at punctuation. Which, sadly enough, can make or break the flow of a poem. Youve WAY too many commas in this poem. Read it out loud and pause at commas and just a few milliseconds more at the periods. You'll see what I mean. Example: first stanza calls for NO commas, but a period every other line (where you have the periods)

isabel ( F P C D ) at 2008-12-04

I can be the stars ,
That light up your night sky .
And I can be your shoulder ,
If ever you need to cry .

A very sweet ending, once again... loved it...

I can be your words ,
If ever you cannot speak .
And I can be your eyes ,
If the truth you ever seek .

I didn't understand this stanza... I think I am possibly not interpreting correctly... It sounds deep, though :)

I can be your conscience ;
That whisper in your ear .
And I can be the ONE ,
The one that you hold dear .

- i think "whispers" would sound better than whisper...
I understand where you are trying to get... yet... conscience? why conscience?
The rest of the stanza is wonderful, though...
I really think I am misreading this...

I can be the laughter ,
That puts the smile on your face .
And I can be the beauty
That makes your heart beat race .

This stanza is great... I just love the feeling of it...

I can be the girl ,
That you just can't get off your mind .
And I can be the perfection ,
That you've searched so long to find .

This is really good, but i think the flow might be a little bit off... not sure, though...

Boy , I can be your anything ;
And to you I'll always tend .
I want to be your everything ,
But never just your friend .

okay, this ending was really fantastic :)

Sometimes I don't get what you mean, but it can be that i misread it... Besides that, the poem is flawless...

5/5 (not your fault my interpretation is messy... :) )

*isabel*


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