Comments - The Innocence of Youth

Startle Me ( F P C D ) at 2007-05-22

I found the first stanza a bit humorous.
I don't know.
Daddy's little girl? I've never actually met one before.
Lol.
Why trade in one of life's purest [[truth's]]
That seemed a bit weird to me.
You are a wonderful writer.
Some parts were a bit shaky
But all in all wonderful write.
5/5?

Vanessa ( F P C D ) at 2007-05-23

Speechless once again, i think you did an excellent job. the flow was again was perfect the word choice once again excels all the rest, I think yhe emtion was strong, and powerful. 5/5

xxSnow AngeLxx ( F C D ) at 2007-05-23

Excellent work..as always...perfect rhyme scheme n the flow was like water..lol...so perfect n *sob*..every word is soo true..n u've portrayed this message in such a good style...great work!

5/5=)
Kp it up!

xxPoojaxx

Marc Ortiz ( F P C D ) at 2007-05-23

WOW! the was really beautiful! I also love the title its really catchy! and yeah the poem is so true! I love the way you rhymed some lines! and the flow was flawless well done! 5/5 as always!

Perfectly Imperfect ( F P C D ) at 2007-05-23

An intresting read. The first few stanzas the reader does not know its about virginity. And to be honest i havnt read a poem about the subject before. The title makes the reader want to know what this innocence is. You instantly think about children. Young children. But in the poem your talking about teenagers and the choices they make. About growing up. Saying goodbye to this innocence. Very intresting poem and topic i have to admit. The first stanza; "Daddy's little girl" seems to be a title for her. You displayed this desire to be free, yet the desire to still be this young child in a brilliant way through this poem. You used a good rhyme scheme in this. And the end of it you tell her a message which your poem is sending out. To improve this again i suggest you use a varied punctuation. And im not sure about love poem catagorie for this.. Hmm.. Still great reads. Keep writing and thank you for yourt comments.
xx

BrokenREALiTy ( F P C D ) at 2007-05-23

See's her future in the clearest of visions,
`The apostrophe [sp?] isn`t needed .

Why trade in one of life's purest truth's,
For a boy who doesn't care whatsoever.
`So true . Love those lines [:

So please follow your virgin heart,
Do not mistake his lies for truth,
All he's wanted from the very start,
Is your sacred innocence of youth.
`The ending . It`s powerful . I loove loveed it .

I think you did a great job with this . It`s definitely different from anything I`ve ever read . People try & write about this, but you`r one of the few that really, truly make it work .
..__MiNDYY

Michael D Nalley ( F P C D ) at 2007-05-24

I really do love your style, and again a rare wisdom is reflected by this poem

Live WeLL ( F P C D ) at 2007-05-24

Amazing. Simply amazing.

All he's wanted from the very start,
Is your sacred innocence of youth

Great lines.. not just those 2.. but all of them. The entire thing was very nicely written. First one on my Favs list.. congrats! haha.. keep on writing =]

SlaveToTheMusic ( F P C D ) at 2007-05-24

I truely enjoyed reading this poem, The meaning portrayed throughout it was amazing. A nice story told which was touching. Great word choice and vocab. Flow good as was the ryhme. Well done with this.~mel

SecludedSerendipity ( F P C D ) at 2007-05-24

Again, I like this a lot. You're really good at letting your poems flow nicely. You always end up with something really powerful.

Nicely penned.

becca bee ( F P C D ) at 2007-05-25

Wow.. this poem is excellent.. i love how you described everything.. also the title is wonderful... the flow is fantastic and the word choice is wonderful.. an enjoyable read

Kaila ( F P C D ) at 2007-05-28

Woah
been here and went through that
I know exactly what the character in your poem meant and was saying
i could totally realate which was really cool
nice work
i loved it!

Dainee ( F ) at 2007-06-02

This is an amazing poem, very well written its somthing that should be told to every teenage girl... 5/5

NatalieLovesJacob ( F P C D ) at 2007-06-02

This was a great poem. At the moment I'm expriencing dificulty believing my boyfriend when he says he loves me, etc. But yeshhh... This poem held alot of truth and good meaning, and I love poems like that. From the first line to the last line, I was hooked right in. The flow was awesome too! Great job on this one!!

xStillxThexOnlyxOne ( F P C D ) at 2007-06-07

Ah such a very true and wonderful poem.
Great poem to get out to all younge girls
who feel they should grow up and give up
there virginity to just any guy. Very well done. God Bless 5/5
<3tay

livin in a lonely hell ( F P C D ) at 2007-07-03

Very strong message many ppl need to know this its very honest and is a great poem

laura

BrokenREALiTy ( F P C D ) at 2007-07-04

See's her future in the clearest of visions,
Why trade in one of life's purest truth's,
`Apostrophes not needed . Just letting you know .

Another amazing piece . You speak what others try and through many teenagers minds in a beautiful, and powerful way . It's well written, and delivers a painfully true message .
Nicely done .

..__MiNDYY

Marian ( F P C D ) at 2007-07-09

"A young [women] who just turned sixteen," - woman.

This was quite a beautiful and pleasurable read, Karl. It is dreadfully amazing to note how Love was distorted by the vileness and selfish desires of such creatures. But, even then, I firmly believe that Love will prevail. =]]

Nevertheless, 'twas a lovely piece of work. Thank you for sharing.

Best wishes,
Marian

Andrew Morton ( F P C D ) at 2007-07-10

An excellent metaphor for virginity...its a shame that this is what our society has come to and i'm on your side throughout this entire poem, its sad to see...but very well written, 5/5!

nikki ( F C D ) at 2007-07-10

Wow, if only every teenager would read this, than they would really know what some guys are like, i loved the message that you portrayed, i've never read a poem on this topic before, and i think it is the best poem i have ever read, great work, 5/5


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