Comments - The Missing Piece of my Heart

xbeyond helpx ( F P C D ) at 2007-07-15

It's good but it is sounding more like a narrative to me expecially because there are a lot of speech quotations. Is there anyway that you could cut out some of the first person lines and make it 3rd person. hmmm i'm just thinking. it's prob just because i'm not used to reading poems like this. haha but a change is as good as a holiday. lol anyway well done, beautiful idea. xoxo

forever in love ( F P C D ) at 2007-07-15

Very lovely. strong love feelings.

i loved these lines alot
I whispered, "Your eyes are the window to your heart..
"And your tears are a proof that you have one."

these realy touched my heart good job my friend

i am giving you 5/5
keep it up great work
take care

Hebe ( F P C ) at 2007-07-15

Love this poem.
It's so sweet and beautiful written.

" Because God knows that I will find the other piece in your heart "

That's such a sweet line.
Loved reading it.
Take care

SaraH_* ( C ) at 2007-07-15

Its perfect

Andrew Morton ( F P C D ) at 2007-07-15

"Leaves are tapping down the window
She stopped kissing me and said, "It was just the leaves."
I said, "It's God blessing us from above."
"Can you feel the angels, they're watching us."

those lines are incredible..i love how you incorporated many aspects of coversation, it makes it a lot more visual..and other than that - great flow, great rhyming scheme..the only thing id recommend, is try throwing some metaphors in your writing, you'd be surprised how effective they can be

Marian ( F P C D ) at 2007-07-15

#5. Nicely done. This work is of great promise to be augmented in the future. As always, you've revealed in words certain feelings and candid thoughts of a tragic love, which were apparently gurgling throughout the page. One thing that I'd suggest is to practice organizing and reorganizing the structure; you'll realize, by then, how essential it is in the art of writing. Nice one, nevertheless.

Best wishes,
Debbie

moonlil ( F P C ) at 2007-07-16

Wow, this poem is so beautiful. I love it.

Kirsty palmer ( F P C D ) at 2007-07-16

Awwww this is such a beautiful poem! i loved the ending, it was so sweet... and left us with such an incredible meaning of love.. it really captured me, and th message truely sunk in, that we find what we need in those who are closest to us, and that we share whats importnt with those who we love. Deffinalty a deep and emotional writ.. loved it ! 5/5

xXx

Tiara at 2007-07-16

This poem is so sweet...it's actually not that long lol..but i love it...keep up the good work...you are very talented

Jenna ( F C ) at 2007-07-18

OMG THIS WAS SOOOOOOOOO CUTE LOL I LOVE IT

mexicana*and*proud* at 2007-07-18

LOOOOOOOVVVEEEE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Shelbz ( F P C D ) at 2007-07-19

Awwww very sweet love it 5/5

xjessx at 2007-07-19

That was beautiful. I almost cried reading it! You have an amazing way with words! and only 15 minutes eh? well, it was great! anyways! love you, keep up the great work!

Sara ( F P C D ) at 2007-07-19

Awwwww!! omgg that was adorablee! one of the cutest poems ive ever read... its great from beginning to end, and that girl was extremely luckyy.. the imagery was great and so was the flow

5/5 from me, and thanks for the commentt

Ambrosia at 2007-07-20

Hey I love your poem. It is so touching....

brokendreamsbelong2me ( F P C D ) at 2007-07-20

Awwwwwwwwwwwwww yellow! it was super adorable!

Poetess Call Me GlenDuh ( F C D ) at 2007-07-23

This was...amazing. I wish I could find a better word to describe how I feel for this poem. I love the flow, and the whole storyline it told. It's like I could picture everything going on. The type of poem that gives people goosebumps and butterflies. I absolutely love it. I don't know what else to say. This is one of the best poems I've read in a really long time. Never stop writing. 5/5

` Liz =]

katy ( F P C ) at 2007-07-29

Wow that poem took my breathe away i love it!!!!!!!!! wwwwwwwoooooowwww i actually LOVE that poem its so amazing never read anything like it before!! keep writin AMAZING peice of work xx

Amberr ( F P C D ) at 2007-07-31

Wow, that was beautiful. I am speechless.
Even if you wrote it in 15 minutes it is still amazing. Your flow was flawless. You had my full attention, I just couldn't get enough.

Great job!
5/5

((Amber))

thandie ( C ) at 2007-07-31

L love this poem is hold so many meanings but one strikes my mind it hold such sorrow and pain but also sweetness is found in it


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