Comments - Wait For You

Alone ( F P C D ) at 2008-01-19

My favourite line

My love for you is never changing.


and then in the last ...

I'd wait for you until I die.

these two are realy relates to me... nice work carry on.

IdTakeABulletForYou is almost 17 ( F P C D ) at 2008-01-21

I was honestly scared to read this poem. I looked at it and it looked like it was in one big verse (which it was) and I just wasn't sure if it was going to be any good (but it was).

Besides the few breaks in the flow by some unsuited words for the syllabication, the poem was wonderful. It is the out and out copy of what a person truly in love with someone feels. You have hit the hammer onto the nail and put it firmly into place with this poem.

Wonderful job. =]



5/5
~Stephen White

Finalgravedigger ( F P C D ) at 2008-01-25

Wow that is true love and passion very nice poem 5/5

hawaiizang3l at 2008-01-27

Aww, that is soo cute!! Love the little rhymiing going on..the flow was good too! :) I can relate to this poem...i wanna wait for him too. but then again, i dont wanna waste my time waiting if he's never gonna change. But good read! :)

Keep it up =n= Take care!!

PrElUdE 2 A KiSs ( F C D ) at 2008-01-28

OMG..honestly i have been reading poems all morning, and that is by far the best one so far =} Very good job. Perfectly and beautifully written all over. The flow and emotions were wonderful. And the voice was something that stood out to me (the commitment) Perfect 5/5

PrElUdE 2 A KiSs

Niinaa ( C ) at 2008-02-18

Totally In Love With This Poem, The Emotion Was Shown Strongly and The Structure & Flow was Great 5/5

Lemma ( F P C D ) at 2008-02-19

The flow, the rhyme, the rhythm, the pace vocab, I love everything about this poem. It's just perfect! I only wish it had a happy ending My favourite lines:

"Until the day we're gray and old.
My heart is yours to have and hold."

5/5

Em xXx

His Angel ( F P C D ) at 2008-10-24

Great poem I can really relate to this one. It reminds me of how I feel about my bf. The flow was good you had nice word use. However I would break the one stanza that you have down into 2-4 stanzas. Other then that it is great. Another 5/5

Sole ( F P C D ) at 2009-03-15

Beautiful words.
The flow and rhymes were almost perfect.

When I'm with you it feels so right.
You're all I see, nothing else in sight.

That's the only criticism I have, it just seems a bit out of place and simple for the rest of the poem.. Other than that I loved it though it had amazing imagery and really made me smile inside.

Awesome work..

Sole. x

Vanilla at 2009-03-15

Life for me's a waiting game.
Yesterday, today the same.
^^I really like these first two lines, it was a unique way to start off your poem.

But wait for you I would forever.
Hoping that we'll be together,
^^This is so true, always waiting and hoping thst one day you and your love will finally be together.

In the end I cannot wait.
But only God can tell our fate.
^^I thought this was a little strange, it sort of contradicted what you had said previously.

I worked so hard to win your heart.
But you had mine right from the start.
^^I loved these lines. I can relate. You always fall for someone right away, and they never seem to notice you.

To wait for you it feels so worth it.
You're beautiful, you are so perfect.
^^I felt the flow here was a bit off, perhaps the last line would be better as:
"You're beautiful and so perfect"

You opened my eyes, helped me to see.
How God's great love could set me free.
^^These were nice lines. Its interesting how you tied religion in to this poem, I havent read many that involve God.

When I'm with you it feels so right.
You're all I see, nothing else in sight.
^^I adore these lines, its so true when youre with the one you love.

Some say that I'm wasting time.
But I know one day you'll be mine.
^^aah, i can relate again. It takes time to finally get the one you love, but in the end its worth it.

Many roadblocks we've been through.
But one day we will say "I do."
^^I felt these lines were kind of awkwardly placed here. These line threw off the flor and rythm of your poem.

Until that day I sit here waiting.
My love for you is never changing.
^^These lines were cute. Its true, when you love someone so much, your love for them will stand tall.

A special love you gave to me.
I sit here waiting patiently.
^^These lines are sort of repeating what you had said previously.

For you to come back to my arms.
I'll keep you safe and free of harm.
^^Is this implying that you once had the person? Your choice of words in the first line, thats the message its sending me.

You must be sent from up above.
You showed me how it feels to love.
^^These lines are cute.

Until the day we're gray and old.
My heart is yours to have and hold.
^^This is kinda cliche, but I felt you made it work inside your poem.

You make me feel so good inside.
I'd wait for you until I die.
^^This is a very nice way to end your poem.

Overall nice job 4/5

--Vanilla;;

[ Praised by Krathia | Approved by Italian Stallion ]

Krathia ( F P C D ) at 2009-03-16

Hmm, very strong words and sweet intentions... I especially liked the first four lines; it was a great intro to the rest of the poem. It reminded me of what it's like to be tired from life day after day, but then one person comes in and everything seems worth it, just for him or her again.

A couple of things I would change:
1. Add stanzas. Nobody likes reading a block of text, and it'd be easier on the eyes.
2. Don't use too many so's and very's, no matter how true they are. Instead of saying, "it feels so right", try a metaphor, like "you're the sea and I'm the shore". You get me?

Nice poem overall. Gook work!

PygmyPuff ( F P C D ) at 2009-03-16

Wow, this really hit home for me. The style is light, like couplets are an easy read, but being in one block makes it easy to lose focus. Try breaking it up between thoughts, maybe 4lines or 6 lines, just to give specified pauses to ponder.

Kira ( F P C D ) at 2009-03-16

Wow this poem totally blew me away.. I can relate to what you are saying.Though simple words were used, i can feel the emotions running through your mind, waiting for the one who has stole your heart.

I worked so hard to win your heart.
But you had mine right from the start.
^^^I like the comparison that you made here, how hard you try to win her heart but it didn't really take any effort for her to win your heart

Many roadblocks we've been through.
But one day we will say "I do."
^^^I like the how you use the roadblocks as a metaphor here for the ups and downs of your relationship, but no matter how many ups and down you the both of you went through u know that the day will when the both of you will wed

You make me feel so good inside.
I'd wait for you until I die.
^^^ I like how you end this poem, though this might sound crazy to some, it's just feels that this is the only best option that you want to consider for your heart does yearns for any other girl except for her

Overall you have done excellent job in capturing the emotions and crafting your love story.It was certainly a delightful to read this poem

5/5 from me

shantavia ( F P C ) at 2009-03-18

This is a beauitful poem it flows so nicely

much<3

Cyber Saiyan ( F C D ) at 2009-03-18

Overall, I liked the poem. The meaning and the subject were well defined and you stuck to them well. There are a few things I feel could use some attention though.

There were several lines that seemed backwards to me. For example: "Life for me's a waiting game". If you follow proper grammar rules, it would have to read: LIFE IS A WAITING GAME FOR ME or FOR ME, LIFE IS A WAITING GAME. The way you have it written is not incorrect, per say, but is just awkward when I read it. There are a few other line like this too. I understand the meaning and the structure, but it made it a little harder to read.

There are also a few lines that are missing some words. For example, the second line would sound better as YESTERDAY OR TODAY; IT'S ALL THE SAME. I love the meaning of the line, but, again, it was a little odd when I read it out loud.

After I read the entire poem (and I do this with ALL the poems I read), I read the last word in each line from top to bottom. While all the lines rhyme, the rhymes are somewhat simple. Rhymes like GAME / SAME, SEE / FREE, OLD / HOLD are pretty simple rhymes, which is usually fine. BUT when you use too many of them, it makes the poem seem more amateur-ish (and I know that's not a word, but I think you can understand what I mean). You should try to use more complex rhymes to intensify your work. Even a well established poet can seem too simple if their wording is slack.

Overall, I really enjoyed reading the poem. Again, the meaning was well defined and easy to see. The flow was ok, but could be improved.

I would rate 3.5 / 5, but don't want to lower your overall rating, so I did not leave a vote.

Keep writing.

xXBleedingxRoseXx ( F P C D ) at 2009-03-21

Oh My.. Oh My.. this was beautifully writen from the very beginning to the very finally. your words were just excent. i wouldnt change a thing here. n i couldnt pick my favorite part cuz i LOVED everything. strong feeling and powerful emotions to this person. nicely done indeed. amazin piece. i realie enjoyed reading it.
5/5 truly

TaKe CaRe,
Frenchy

Anaisthitos ( F P C ) at 2009-03-22

This was really good. The flow was good and the rhyming was interesting and clever. The only things I would look over if I were you is it's slightly repetitive, you could perhaps take out a few stanzas that are repeated, but it's not bad it just takes away from the poem slightly. And I would consider breaking it up into stanzas. Poems generally look alot better when broken up then when they're one big "clump"

But it was really good. The emotions were expressed really well throughout and it's really sweet (: My favorite lines, without a doubt where

"A special love you gave to me.
I sit here waiting patiently."

This was really cute and fun to read. I really enjoyed it! 5/5

Anaisthitos ( F P C ) at 2009-03-22

This was really good. The flow was good and the rhyming was interesting and clever. The only things I would look over if I were you is it's slightly repetitive, you could perhaps take out a few stanzas that are repeated, but it's not bad it just takes away from the poem slightly. And I would consider breaking it up into stanzas. Poems generally look alot better when broken up then when they're one big "clump"

But it was really cute and fun to read. I found it really sweet and from the heart, and I enjoyed it alot. Keep it up! 5/5

No Need For A Name ( F P C D ) at 2009-03-22

Honesty hour: this is a horrible poem. It lacks any ounce of originality and seems just like over a million other poems out there with absolutly nothing to have it stand out. If you look at, I'd say 15 other poems about love, I can almost guarantee some of the lines in this poem will be in them. Extreme dissappointment, 1/5.

Peace and prosperity,

(RKD)

a broken smile with a broken hea ( F P C D ) at 2009-03-22

Like the poem. i think you could of used a little more spell check and punctuation. also i think you tried too hard to rhyme on this poem. it kind of disturbs the flow. why don't you read it out loud and change a few words that aren't necessary in this poem. over all i think this poem was very sweet. i could feel the love you have for her and the complex attitude of falling in love too soon and waiting for some one else to fall in love with you. anyway i think you could make this poem much better. also one more thing. why don't you break the poem into stanzas. this lets the reader pause and absorb each line. you should keep writing. you have talent.

Ada
(aBSwaBHiaPL)


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