Your Everything

by Hollymariee

I can be the stars ,
That light up your night sky .
And I can be your shoulder ,
If ever you need to cry .

I can be your words ,
If ever you cannot speak .
And I can be your eyes ,
If the truth you ever seek .

I can be your conscience ;
That whisper in your ear .
And I can be the ONE ,
The one that you hold dear .

I can be the laughter ,
That puts the smile on your face .
And I can be the beauty
That makes your heart beat race .

I can be the girl ,
That you just can't get off your mind .
And I can be the perfection ,
That you've searched so long to find .

Boy , I can be your anything ;
And to you I'll always tend .
I want to be your everything ,
But never just your friend .

 

Submission date : 2008-11-02
Last edit : 2008-11-28

Visits : 5505
Votes : 26
Rating : 4.8

Latest comments

Lang Lang at 2008-12-02

Best. Poem. Ever.
And I mean it truthfully.
I've never written/read something that was so beautiful and touching ever before.
In case you didn't figure it out: 5/5

simplyfrigid ( F P C D ) at 2008-12-04

I absolutely love this poem. ONE THING, though. I say this so much and I get that people think punctuation is either a needed thing or un-needed thing. But, with poetry it's not like that. When you read a poem (correctly) you're supposed to stop at punctuation. Which, sadly enough, can make or break the flow of a poem. Youve WAY too many commas in this poem. Read it out loud and pause at commas and just a few milliseconds more at the periods. You'll see what I mean. Example: first stanza calls for NO commas, but a period every other line (where you have the periods)

isabel ( F P C D ) at 2008-12-04

I can be the stars ,
That light up your night sky .
And I can be your shoulder ,
If ever you need to cry .

A very sweet ending, once again... loved it...

I can be your words ,
If ever you cannot speak .
And I can be your eyes ,
If the truth you ever seek .

I didn't understand this stanza... I think I am possibly not interpreting correctly... It sounds deep, though :)

I can be your conscience ;
That whisper in your ear .
And I can be the ONE ,
The one that you hold dear .

- i think "whispers" would sound better than whisper...
I understand where you are trying to get... yet... conscience? why conscience?
The rest of the stanza is wonderful, though...
I really think I am misreading this...

I can be the laughter ,
That puts the smile on your face .
And I can be the beauty
That makes your heart beat race .

This stanza is great... I just love the feeling of it...

I can be the girl ,
That you just can't get off your mind .
And I can be the perfection ,
That you've searched so long to find .

This is really good, but i think the flow might be a little bit off... not sure, though...

Boy , I can be your anything ;
And to you I'll always tend .
I want to be your everything ,
But never just your friend .

okay, this ending was really fantastic :)

Sometimes I don't get what you mean, but it can be that i misread it... Besides that, the poem is flawless...

5/5 (not your fault my interpretation is messy... :) )

*isabel*

Mary ( F C ) at 2008-12-26

WOW great poem...........It was really cute and i loved it because i can relly relate to it.......its definitley goin in my favs.....5/5

Valedico ( F C D ) at 2009-03-17

I loved the flow in this poem, it was really nice. Well written and hearfelt. Don't think ONE needs to be capitalised. I think the second to last stanza is a bit self centered and I don't particularly like it. You could rearrange it to say you'd be the one for him but to suggest perfection isn't the right way to go about it. A good write in all. Really admired the flow, well done.



[ View all comments (42) ]