I'll never forgive you, JM.

by Emily

I would shake the gun locker in my house,
I would rattle a bottle of pills in my hand,
I would cut the skin of my arms,
I sought out any plan.
I quit looking either way to cross the street.
I never found the courage, or rather, the cowardice.
I wept at the bottom of my shower,
or into my pillow at night with defeat.
Sometimes, I suppressed tears in public.
I've had enough humiliation for the time.
I indulged in every bad habit,
A soul wandering through the night,
Is disguised as a soul in bed with a man
She had just met and barely liked.
I drank, but not to get drunk,
I hoped I would have too much and die.
I took pills I had never even heard of,
And took solace when I blacked out.
I would have the life I craved,
when the past was forgotten about.
I remember your face when it smiled at me,
Or when you would beg me for a kiss.
Then I remember your words of disgust,
My bitten tongue and clenched fists.
I don't know if you'll ever ask for it,
If you'd even have the gall.
I don't even know if you're human enough
To realize you did wrong at all.
But if you dare come to me asking
For my forgiveness with an apology
I'll hurt you with an intensity I know so well,
and then applaud your audacity.

____
JM made me want to die. He knew all my secrets, and held every piece of me in his hands and crushed me. Two years of my life, wasted because libido has a hold over love any day. I will NEVER forgive JM for how much I hurt.

Submission date : 2009-09-28
Last edit : 2009-09-28

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