Submission date : 2011-01-11
DeafBeats ( F )
Now as I return from that memory
It seems like only yesterday
Yet knowing in reality that
Moment dates back quite away
This stanza feels like one of those sentences that drag on forever. Maybe you could put commas to indicate a breath because it don't know where the start and the end is.
Over all the last stanza was the best. Closing it with the shell and connection.
Thanks for sharing :)
"Regret" was the one I liked best from the three new ones ^.^
Aure ( F P C )
Again, I love your writing. There is almost nothing that should be changed in my opinion.
Only this line:
It is like I am right back there
Might be better:
It's like being right back there
But that's just me, I don't like to use or read "I" to much in poems. But again, maybe oothers may claim otherwise.
AngelDust ( F C D )
This is a beautiful piece. It just flows with love and I could really feel that. You wrote this is a lovely way. I like the lay out and smoothness of it. You really spoke of your emotion in this. Excellent huni.
Grant Gilbert AKA Slash ( F P C D )
What a lovely poem, i think you got the emotion spot on in this one, i also loved your descriptions of the sea and its surrounds. Well done.Grant
A lonely soul ( F P C D )
Memory lane poems are so very enchanting. Sea shells, sand between the toes, the tide...a nice and memorable write.