A secret kiss

by Em

Yesterday,
I kissed into the wind

-and-

I'm hoping,
no, praying
that my warm moist embrace
was felt by you
as the wind
wrapped it's arms
around you;

delivering...

a kiss

-as promised-

just from me.


Copyright: Em

 

Submission date : 2016-05-05
Last edit : 2016-05-06

Visits : 820
Votes : 1
Rating : 5.0

Latest comments

Mr Darcy ( F P C D ) at 2016-05-06

Hello Em,

you are being a busy bee aren't you?

A secret kiss - this is a more elaborate version of blowing a kiss. I like those!

The concept of using the wind as a messenger is a good one and reminds me of a poem I wrote a while back.

The format is one I appreciate and like reading.

I hope you don't mind a few suggestions:

Title - A secret kiss
^
Unless the kiss is supposed to be secret, like two people having an affair, the title could be ' A kiss for you' this shows an honest 'I don't care who knows' approach.

Yesterday,
I kissed into the wind

-and-

I'm hoping,
no, praying
^
all good to here.

that my warm embrace
^
This line describes a warm embrace, but I think a description of the 'kiss' would keep your theme true. Something like: that my warm moist embrace. The addition of 'moist' suggests the embrace is your lips on his. More intimate and produces an image that you ideally want too convey.

was felt by you
as the wind
wrapped it's arms
around you;
^
this is good, I like the alliteration.

-as promised-

just from me.
^
these two lines are good two, but I wonder if an addition before them might enhance the theme of 'kiss' Like: delivering a kiss

So, the poem would look like this:

A kiss for you...

Yesterday,
I kissed into the wind

-and-

I'm hoping,
no, praying
that my warm moist embrace
was felt by you
as the wind
wrapped it's arms
around you;

delivering...

a kiss

-as promised-

just from me.


Just a few ideas Em. If it's a secret kiss - good for you girl! *winks*



Below is the link to my poem that has a similar theme.

http://www.best-love-poems.com/poems.php?id=1010173



Good work,

Take care,


Michael

[ Praised by Em | Approved by Senyru ]

Em ( F P C D ) at 2016-05-06

Thanks very much for your input Michael as always love the suggestions. :)

Not a secret kiss but one where lovers are apart, if that makes sense.