Our first dance

by Dado

Your arms securely wrapped around my waist,,
my hands gently placed upon your shoulders ,,,
the music is soft and the people are loud ,,
and all we can hear is our heavy breathe sounds ,,,
you pull back and suddenly grab me closer ,,
am leaning now on your chest ,,,
you come down and put my head to rest ,,,
my ears tightly pressed against your heart ,,,,
you whisper ,,,
love,,,
i ll always be there ,,,
my heart skips a beat or two my knees grow weaker ,,,
intoxicated by the smell of love that lingers in the air ,,
embraced in your arms so tight ,,,
your delicate fingers run through my hair ,,,
i let out a deep breathe in despair ,,
you cup my face as you attentively look deep into my eyes ,,,
you lure me in closer and closer and with no regards to everyone and everything around ,,,
you press your lips tenderly against mine ,,,
and when i gasp for air ,,,
i feel you end it with the widest smile .....

 

Submission date : 2016-08-13

Visits : 429
Votes : 2
Rating : 5.0

Latest comments

Mr Darcy ( F P C D ) at 2016-08-14

Hello,

This is such a sweet telling of a tender moment. It's amazing how in a crowded room two people can feel exclusively alone; all external stimulus muted as love focuses it's magic.

You may have a couple of typos? The word 'breathe' mat need the 'e' removing to make 'breath'

Great work.

Take care,

Michael

Sir Lancelot ( F P C D ) at 2016-08-14

As Mr Darcy points out, there are a couple of typos throughout this piece but that doesn't detract from the warmth and love you have managed to convey with this excellent write.

Well done,

SL

Em ( F P C D ) at 2016-09-05

This is such a beautiful telling story of intimacy. I could picture being the one dancing and sharing that precious moment.

I do feel that the extra ',' need deleting as they are a bit off putting to a wonderful, smooth flowing piece.
All the best. Em