You Surrender

by Golden anGel Rhapsodist

*
For so many times I acted unwisely
You didn't see it tearing me softly
I thought no one could ever rule me
But look, I surrender so Quickly

**
Telling me you love me brings me hope
It's your heart, that I'm wishing for
Even that you don't love me anymore
I'll never stop loving you mi amor.

***
When the time comes I feel our love come crashing down
I'll just hold you tighter, closer in my arms
But when it's time for you to say It's over
I'll say "OK" I love you, but you surrender.





Author's note:

All of my compositions are labor of love, hurt, and pain..
Originally made from my own Experiences.
A copyright not a copycat.

Gel

 

Submission date : 2016-09-25
Last edit : 2016-10-06

Visits : 473
Votes : 2
Rating : 5.0

Latest comments

Em ( F P C D ) at 2016-09-25

Gel, as Ben already said you are writing some wonderful love poetry atm and its nice and refreshing to see that each of your pieces are uniquely done but fabulous all the same.

For so many times I acted unwisely
You didn't see it tearing me softly
I thought no one could ever rule me
But look, I surrender so Quickly
^^
Lovely opening as we can all relate to turning a blind eye especially when we love somebody but it still tears us up when they hurt us again. The only suggestion is heave here is for the first line.. My suggestion is removing the 'for' so it reads
"So many times I acted unwisely"
Or
Leaving the for in and maybe putting something like...
"for all the times I acted unwisely" its just I feel that for and so together put the flow off a little, only a suggestion though.

Telling me you love me bring me hope
It's your heart, what I'm wishing for
Even that you don't love me anymore
I'll never stop loving you mi amor.
^^
I like this stanza the most especially the ending though I have a few suggestions just to keep the flow...
"Telling me you love me bring(S) me hope
It's your heart, (THAT) I'm wishing for
Even (WHEN) you don't love me anymore
I'll never stop loving you mi amor.
^^
Brackets are the edits.

When (The) time comes I feel our love come crashing down (And)
(I'LL) just hold you tighter (,) closer (IN) my arms
(THEN) it's time for you to say It's over
I'll say "OK" I love you, but you surrender.
^^
A powerful ending here.
Again the brackets are suggestions.

I hope you don't mind. Em

[ Praised by Golden anGel Rhapsodist | Approved by Meena Krish ]

Golden anGel Rhapsodist ( F P C D ) at 2016-09-25

Oh, Em thanks for the corrections really apreciated.. I'll take some of it but hope you will understand if I don't take it all.. but promise I'll chage some of it as you suggested...many thanks

hugs ;)

Em ( F P C D ) at 2016-09-25

Of course I understand. You don't have to change any just thought I would suggest a few things.

Have a great day :)

Golden anGel Rhapsodist ( F P C D ) at 2016-09-25

Yes Em I took some of it. ..and it's good to read now thank you. ..girl power. ..lol

Golden anGel Rhapsodist ( F P C D ) at 2016-09-25

Yes Em I took some of it. ..and it's good to read now thank you. ..girl power. ..lol

thanks again



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