Moments in Mind

by Awww

You have forgiven me
And even showed your smile
I just felt so happy
Because it's been a while

Too long have I been in darkness
With fleeting days and painful nights
Always feeling this loneliness
Without you as my saving light

A light I always looked upon
For all the hope, comfort and peace
Even before the pain begun
Your presence made me feel at ease

For I knew you were there
To be with me always
No doubt I felt the care
Shown by your gentle face

I feel I've reached the sky so high
Just knowing that you love me too
But alas this was all a lie
And not a single word was true

 

Submission date : 2006-10-04
Last edit : 2007-05-04

Visits : 118544
Votes : 87
Rating : 4.4

Latest comments

HiddenxSoul ( F P C D ) at 2006-12-01

Oh I really enjoyed this. The flow was excellent. I also loved the way you ended it, it really rounded the whole poem off. Good job.

Lauren:x♥x ( F P C D ) at 2006-12-02

Lil' prob-
begun-began, or had begun

Alas.i like that word.

anywayssss.
to tell the truth i did not know this had an abab rhyme scheme until this stanza
For I knew you were there
To be with me always
No doubt I felt the care
Shown by your gentle face

and this stanza kinda broke it!
face and always do not rhyme because the beats they land on inthe P meter. or w/e. i would try to adjust this stanza

Overall very well penned.

x3 Lauren

Cassandra Wojick ( C ) at 2007-02-03

I really liked this, great job. youre truly talented.

Shinobi ( F P C D ) at 2007-10-25

A really good poem, rhymes and stanza's express each a unique meaning. A touching story with another great ending 5/5

CathyButterflyJC ( F P C D ) at 2013-01-05

The whole poem was building me up and then the last verse melted me all down and took it all out of me, I really enjyoed reading it, I love how you had your emotions consumed in each world, bravo bravo



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